Six weeks of separation and counting

[ptcr]

This is my second thread. Don't know how to attach the first, but I will update y'all on my sitch.

H has been gone 6 weeks today. I am using LRT because we are physically separated...he lives across town in a rented room.

Thanks to the many, many wonderful DB'ers out there who post and answer our questions, I have managed to stay busy for the past 6 weeks.

I am trying to GAL but I think I may be doing this so he sees it and no necessarily for myself because I have not wanted to do anything for the last few days other than obsessively talk on the phone or go to lunch with friends, impatient for this slow process.

I find myself wondering what he is doing and if OW is in town, etc, because he seems different to me than when he left 6 weeks ago. Wondering is probably a kind word and obsessing would be better! Haven't slept well in a few days.

Anyway, as far as monitoring my results go, I believe that he is being nicer and contacting the kids himself w/o me managing their relationships and fixing stuff at our home BECAUSE of my detachment and my efforts at going dark.

Problem is...now I find myself having expectations. Yes, my heart skips a beat when I hear my phone chime with a text. How do you make that stop??? I love this man and the attention is like the sun shining on me out of the blue.

Accuray posted something about pursuer/pursued and it describes our relationships to a "T" - literally textbook.

We read 5 LL several years ago but I can't remember what my husbands LL was - seems like physical touch - so clearly don't know how to incorporate that into my interactions with H (who happily is still wearing his wedding ring).

I cannot believe it has only been 6 weeks. I keep counting on the calendar and it seems like it should be closer to 12 or 16 or something. I admire all of you that have been doing this for a year and more...God bless you for your patience and guidance.

I think my biggest problem is too much time on my hands. I was working p/t but quit that job after he moved out because i could not think straight (medical transcriptionist working from home - it was slowly driving me bonkers anyway - I am FAR too social to sit with head phones on). My IC says see this as a gift. Easier said than done. Obviously I need some goals because I am finding myself sitting around, moping and waiting for contact from H. He doesn't know this - so I am lucky - but I feel pretty pathetic and lonely.

S16 said last night he was moping around with the same feeling. His school work has been slipping...I am so afraid he will lose his good A/B average as he is a junior and this is the semester that counts for early admission. I told him we couldn't wait for dad and that we needed to take care of ourselves. Lot of kettle calling pot black stuff here I guess.

Feeling sad and lonely today. Will see him tonight at hockey game again and then have big trip to Germany tomorrow to see brother but cant seem to get excited for that either. I know I have to and I will but for now, I am moping and in disbelief.