Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing

[Jenna333]

He's being so lovey. He brought me home a few different treats last night. Guilt for screwing up so much this weekend? At least he's not feeling numb anymore. That scares the [censored] out of me. 

I looked through his phone last night. Told him this morning. I don't feel shameful about it since bringing it up in MC and having our C say that most everyone does it, and it unfortunately makes sense if there's no trust. That doesn't mean I'll do it often, but I'm not going to shame myself when I do. He reacted differently when I didn't apologize and said I didn't feel bad...like he knew he didn't have the upper hand over the situation, if that makes sense. Some female coworker texted him at 4am to ask where he was (the night he stayed out later than he should have). He was at his manager's (his last day was Friday) apartment. He said he was about to go home. She texted 'no.' I was weirded out by that. He said he has no idea what that was about. I then asked if he hung out with the girl he was infatuated with when he left me. She was there, and he said they all hung out around each other, but it was just small talk. 

I told him I don't want him talking to her anymore. Yeah, I probably shouldn't have said that, but he thinks it's ok to still be somewhat friends with her, and I'm not cool with that. It's not negotiable for me. He had to deal with me wanting to be friends with an OM for so long (I was a teen, if that makes a difference). I don't want him to be friends with her! Is that so bad? I'm probably overreacting. It was just small talk. It just ticks me off that he stayed out 3+ hours later he said he would, and she was there

This is when I have to remember how much I love him and want this to work, because the idea of being with a man who is mature, honest and responsible sounds so great...instead I'm with this man-child who has created so many trust issues that are hard to get past when he doesn't put priority on honestly, responsibility, or the relationship itself.