When there is an unhealthy dynamic to the relationship, IMO - DBing becomes alot harder....
..because it's not really about the actions, it's about your motives behind them.
For example - if you were to validate your H's feelings and change your ways because you are FEARFUL of what he will do if you don't...
....that is not DBing..
.... that is not love..
It's a REALLY fine line and one that only YOU can really decide if you are crossing.
When I read what you wrote above, I see a man who is very controlling...
He could be trying to control you for many reasons.
Whether that be because he is fearful he will ACTUALLY lose you
or for some other reason.
I think alot of control comes out of the fear of the unknown.
And you can understand and validate that fear, but it does NOT make his actions right.
You are right that you have no control over what your H does or says.. but you do have a choice on how you respond.
Yes - I do believe that we shouldn't mindread our WAS.. but I also believe that people who were part of a controlling relationship can recognize when someone's intentions is to control the outcome.
And even if you don't know why your H is doing those things.. you can look into your own feelings and ask yourself...
... Do I feel like I am trying to be controlled?
... am I acting like someone who is trying to be controlled?
And in my very humble opinion, it isn't until you find out the answers to those questions, that you can figure out how to DB that particular sitch.
Keep up your boundaries, continue to put on foot in front of the other.
I know how hard breaking the cycle is....
...but keep on keeping on.
((( )))
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
