Felt like maybe journaling would help me feel better..
H and I have continued the roller coaster. Last week we went to a local event and had a really, really good time. It was like being a real family again, and H didn't want to leave when I dropped him off at his car.
Then, of course, it all went to crap. After some playful back and forth texts H decides that he is offended I didn't respond in a timely manner. He is also checking my phone records again, and does not like that I have new friends he doesn't know. He's not saying that specifically, but he is making some snarky comments to that effect.
Last night we had a text convo, and he again said I put him second to my other friends because I didn't get back to him fast enough. My friend who is going through some drama called, and then my phone died. He sent me an ugly message, I told him what happened and said I was going to bed. He actually asked if I wanted company after all his snarkiness! Um, no.
He also has not signed us up for retrouvaille, although he still says he wants to. I almost feel like I'm getting played. But, I have no control of H or what he does. Right now he's going out a lot and partying, and I still don't feel like he's 'there' yet.
I'm pretty proud of the boundaries I've established, although I'm not entirely sure of what the DB thing is to do at times. H is definitely bothered by the life I am creating for myself.
Such is life. I just can't wait until mine has some semblance of being normal again. I just have a numb feeling right now I can't explain, and I feel tired all the time like I can't get enough sleep. I haven't been exercising, so I'm going to try starting up again and see if that helps.
