If he truly is sincere and remorseful (I'm pretty sure he's SORRY, but still hard to tell from this end whether or not he's just sorry HE GOT CAUGHT, sorry HE HURT YOU, or sorry that he DID THE WRONG THING AND IS WILLING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT -- three distinctly different things), then he should be willing to send the woman a no-contact letter, and enter into full transparency with you and go to a good MC/FT who specializes in infidelity.
Is he?
Use this time away to think about what YOUR hard boundaries -- your short list of "Boundaries of Personal Integrity" -- are. They might be something like:
1. Absolutely end all contact with OW, including sending her a no-contact letter, the copy of which is to be approved by YOU and the letter is to be mailed/delivered by you.
2. Full and complete transparency with you, including new cellphone # for him and detailed billing to come to YOU, new e-mail address(es) with YOU having copies of the passwords, exchange daily schedules, etc., etc.
3. Full-panel STD test, a copy of which is to be provided to YOU. (I'm sorry, I know this is intensely painful, but it's highly likely that he's lying about the "only and EA" thing. Most cheaters will cop to one level LESS than what they've done, from what I've seen. Besides, your own medical health is the utmost importance here).
4. Perhaps a Retrouvaille weekend, followed by ongoing MC/FT with a counselor specifically trained to deal with infidelity.
These are just suggestions; the items need to be YOURS and reflect your own values and morals.
In the meantime, I would advise you to ignore your husband's calls and texts, other than ONE time saying "I need some time to think, get some counsel from some people I trust, and to make some decisions. I'm not sure what I'm going to do."
and then go DARK. If he is sincere about his remorse, he will continue to purusue you. If he's NOT sincere . . . well, then you'll have your answer.
