Thank you all. I am doing my best to comprehend what you are writing, and I know I will need to re-read the posts again. I just want you to know how much it helps to not feel so alone when I really feel alone in this home.
The weekend was rough to say the least. I confronted him on Friday night, only because he kept asking me what was wrong. I told him what I knew and he didn't deny it. He admitted it. He swears that it was only an EA and not a PA. I obviously don't believe him. I told him this, and he said I don't blame you.
We had a family wedding to attend on Saturday night. I did my best to have fun, but I cried through the vows silently. It was so hard to hear the promises that were all just broken in my marriage. He put his hand on my knee of few times when he saw me crying but I didn't react.
He has apologized and cried, he said he needs help and that he doesn't know what would posess him to do this to me. He said I don't deserve this treatment and that he knows that I don't believe him but he does love me. I didn't respond to any of it. He feels shame and remorse, and said that he doesn't deserve me and that he never has deserved me.
I am going to stay with my father for a few days, to get a breather. I just need to be out of this house. I need to try to quiet the noise in my head.
I promise to come back and re-read everything here because you are a wonderful sounding board. There is nobody in my day to day that I can trust with this information right now. I am calling a therapist today to set up a meeting. He claims that he is too, but I am only focusing on me and the kids right now.
He told me this morning that he deserves whatever the outcome may be. Not sure what that means. It was one of the last things he said before I am leaving for a few days.
