I stand behind not messing with your scheduled time with the kids
I was a single parent for a long time too and it isn't about babysitting it is about responsibility
just as she would have to find a sitter if she couldn't watch them on her scheduled day, so would he or he would be using her as a "babysitter"
she should be able to feel the loss in other ways
don't use the kids as pawns or weapons to prove a point
and if you have to lie to create mystery then it isn't real anyway
getting a life is about just that
getting a life
she will know or she won't know but it isn't about making her wonder...it is about WHO YOU ARE
don't play games with anyone
just live the way you were meant to live all along
Let's put it this way, WHG's W reminds me of how my ex behaved with our child. He used our child to keep himself entangled into my life, and manipulated me with a tight schedule. He had a hold on my every movement, because of that tight schedule. And yes, he treated me like I was the baby sitter, setting up a schedule that would be pertinent to his nights out with buddies. I'm sorry, but I put an end to this, as I was not our daughter's baby sitter, but her mother.
I db-ed my marriage and saved it, not by playing games, but by being gone and his feeling my being gone, and moving on and not allowing myself to be controlled.
Oh yes, an experienced member on this forum told me, when I first started to GAL, and I had no one to really go out with, told me "fake it till you make it". In the beginning I had no one to go with, so I went to the library until I found buddies to go out with.
When you create mystery, you are making it real when you break out and engage in things and not allow yourself to be manipulated. It's real when you do that for yourself.
His life is no longer her business, and if he wants to go out instead of take his children, it doesn't make him a horrible person either.
It's not about using the children as weapons, that's far from where I was going.
