I went to my IC on Saturday like I always do. This week was really stressful at work so it was good to be able to go, but I was so mentally and physically exhausted. So I came home and got on my laptop to check my email. H had been using it to look something up, and left his email open. So I did a search for OW's name.
I was floored. He apparently bought tickets to this year's Cochella festival last year and was selling them back to her. And I found all manner of inappropriate conversations in there. One took place 2 days after my daughter's birth while I was still in the hospital. I forwarded them to my email, at least as many as I could, and then he realized something was wrong.
I just lost it. I told him he had to have slept with her from what I found. He admitted that he kissed her once, but still insisted that he didn't sleep with her. I went ape sh!t.
I'm not proud of it, but I literally beat him for the next 5-10 minutes. He has scratches and bruises all over his body. He couldn't stop me because I was so enraged. I was also so exhausted I didn't do any major damage, and I had to stop a few times because I thought I was going to throw up. I thought I had given him a black eye, but the marks on his face cleared up quickly.
Luckily D was asleep at the time and had no idea what happened. She started to cry, so I told him to go deal with her. I told him to leave me alone and take care of her because I was not in a sound state of mind to do so. I then grabbed my keys and said, "don't call me" and left. I went to the bar I would always go to when I was pregnant and trying to be out of the house, except this time I got completely wasted. In the middle of the day. I didn't come home for several hours.
I FB'd her. I said, "I need to know if you slept with my husband. I already know that you kissed and had extremely inappropriate conversations with him to say the least. Please tell me".
When I came back home, I was really drunk. While I was out, H completely deleted all emails and conversations with her in both our emails and rebooted his phone. I was furious. When I came home, she called him. He didn't pick up. I FB'd her again and said, "I know you've called him. You need to talk to me. Be a real woman".
Of course, I haven't heard from her.
I want to make her life hell. I wish upon her stillbirths, miscarriages and severely disabled children who will drain her emotionally, physically and financially. I want her spouse to cheat on her while she's pregnant, and I want to beat her a$$.
I have virtually no debt on my CC and I now knew her address thanks to those emails. I thought of hoping on the first plane to California and kicking her a$$. I want to murder her.
I'm furious. I feel like I've been beaten with a lead pipe. I'm exhausted, but I can't sleep. All I can think about when I look at H is what he said to her in those emails.
I just want to be in a coma for the foreseeable future. I don't even want to hold my child.
