Had a nice, but sad day today. Went hiking with my best friend. And it was not as fun as it could have been. Something about learning more about people and couples and interactions is hard for me. I am watching the 3 couples I spent the day with.
One has been married 32 years, One has been married 7, one is living together still on honeymoon. And I saw something in all 3 couples that I don't think I ever had with my H. They all joke and talk and we swapped out who was walking with who the whole 3 hour hike.
My H just doesn't ever seem to joke and talk. He is socially very hard to be around. He seems to hate group activities, the few times we did stuff like that it was all work related and he is just a drag.
I remember one time, ONE TIME!, when we went camping with a group and it was a blast. I have spent every get together I can ever remember worrying about him and when he wants to leave. ASAP is the usual answer.
I am trying to listen to the Keeping Love Alive audios. And that is making me think hard about my life. ARGGGGG! I feel like I'm starting to have a MLC. Maybe I never did love him and yaddah, yaddah, yaddah!
What I'm trying to say is I know there were good times, but right now I'm darnded if I can remember them!
I might have had a little "Straw That Broke the Camels Back" moment yesterday. I was outside headed out to the quilt meeting. H was outside by the cars. I said "My pond got dirty from the rain, I will clean it when I get home."
He made some remark about how amazing it was that the pond was doing so well with no pump running. I asked what he ment and he told me the pump was dead and that it hadn't been cleaned in months.
I told him I clean it every 2-3 days and had been since we got the new pump, about 6 months ago. And it just made me mad. If he doesn't SEE me doing something, he thinks I didn't do it. I don't SEE him work, but I know he is working. The fish aren't dead and the water is clear, so someone must be doing something. My koi in my pond are 6 years old. There are plants in there too. I can't believe he thinks it maintains itself!
I guess it is like the magical bananas, ice cream and orange juice that appears in the cupboard!
Oh blah, I'm off to bed!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
