Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing

[Jenna333]

Please tell me if I shouldn't be giving this another shot...

My grandparents called this morning and wanted to take the kids for a few hours, so after they picked them up, J and I talked. He said he felt numb and emotionless, but he knows he loves me and wants to try to make this work. He wasn't fighting me at all when I said I thought we should separate, though I was bawling. He said he feels like a huge [censored] and doesn't know why he doesn't respect me. 

He kept falling asleep (because the jerk stayed out all night again), so I decided that we needed to get out of the house. We went to lunch and talked. He stopped feeling as numb while we were there. He said he thinks it acts as a defense mechanism when we get into huge fights. 

We calmed down and analyzed where we're at. He DID take a step forward in the respect department when he texted me 6 times throughout the night to let me know what was going on. The old him wouldn't have done that at all. Maybe one text, and that's a huge maybe. The most respectful thing he could have done would have been to go home when he said he would, OR to call me to see if I was cool if he stayed out later. He's taking steps, though, and for something of this magnitude (our relationship/family!), I can't just ignore that. 

I laid it all out for him. I told him what I need from him to make this relationship work. I asked him what I could do better. He didn't really have anything to say. It's such a change from before. I had SO much to change before. Now it seems I just need to build on the changes I'm already making. 

He's worrying that he's not good enough for me, that he won't be able to respect me. I'm confused by that. I told him that it's really quite simple. Decide that you're going to stick within the boundaries that we BOTH agreed upon, and then do it! He screwed up both times he went out this weekend, but he told the truth when he normally wouldn't have (albeit delayed, but still the truth), and he texted me the 2nd night to let me know what was happening. 

I'm so wary, but I'm giving this another shot. If it's obvious that he's not trying hard enough, I won't stand for it. I can't. We have therapy Tues morning, and all we're going to talk about is why he has such a hard time respecting me. 

I feel pretty lost. It hurts so much that he isn't trying as hard as I am. He always wanted me with such a fierce intensity before. We talked about that today. He said it could have been that I never wanted him as much as he wanted me. I told him that I'm worried the J I fell in love with just doesn't exist anymore. Only time will tell, I guess. He needs to behave like a man fighting for his love and his family! 

If he doesn't, take this as a wake up call to chsnge, it will be the end of us I can't take much more. I hate to put a limit on it, but I'm feeling like this is his last chance. I am not expecting him to get it all perfectly from now on, but I'm expecting him to try harder. He says he loves me and wants to be happy with me, and can't figure out why he doesn't care to respect me more. We had zero respect in our previous relationship. He needs to move beyond that now and respect me! I respect him.