It is funny, I'm not afraid of storms. I just get startled and then I am just in panic mode. My heart races, I think it has a little bit to do with being a bit more anxious than normal!
Yes, "he gets carrot cake" is my friends H. And so my friend gets cake, too! (Because it really is all about her!)
I did have a light bulb moment today. I realized by being so sad I am giving my H so much power over me. No one deserves to have that much power over anyone!
Aloha!
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
I did have a light bulb moment today. I realized by being so sad I am giving my H so much power over me.
Yes! And you have to be careful, when going through this whole experience, not to give up enjoying life in the meantime.
What if you had a crystal ball and KNEW - FOR CERTAIN - that you H would be back in one year, or, that one year from now you would be madly in love with a fabulous new man?
Wouldn't you relax and enjoy smelling the roses now, knowing that it would all turn out fine in the end?
Well, it all WILL turn out fine in the end - because you are learning and growing through this DB process, and whatever happens, you are going to make a great life for yourself. So remember to enjoy the present. Don't waste too much of it stressing over what may or MAY NOT happen in the future.
Look, I am sorry I have got to say this. If you were brought up speaking English English [as opposed to US] this is a really really rude word. I mean it would be censored so fast . . . . Just so you know. And it makes me laugh even more!!
I realized by being so sad I am giving my H so much power over me. No one deserves to have that much power over anyone!
This is so good!
I was reading up on boundaries, I ever had boundaries so I have to read A LOT! This struck a chord with me:
Unhealthy: I can never tell where to draw the line with others. Healthy Boundary Builder: There is a line I have drawn over which I do not allow others to cross. This line ensures me my uniqueness, autonomy and privacy. I am able to be me the way I really am rather than the way people want me to be by drawing this line. By this line I let others know: this is who I am and where I begin and you end; this is who you are and where you begin and I end; we will never cross over this line so that we can maintain a healthy relationship with one another.
In my angrier days, right after I found out about the affair and moved out of the apartment, I wrote a song about my W called "She Takes the O Out of Country."
Needless to say, I was pretty angry then.
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
I shouldn't be amused, but I found the title of your song so funny, TM.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
So my H is busy getting this house ready to sell. I figured out he has a timeline. Which of course he isn't sharing. OW comes back mid-June for her final divorce date (In theory).
I think he wants to have this house sold and everything settled by then. By everything settled I mean me divorced, his money in his pocket and to be free to do what he wants.
He is getting very annoyed with my not doing anything to help get the house on the market. Talked with my Db phone coach yesterday and she suggested maybe I play along and work on getting the house ready for sale. To build closeness.
I make plans to do that and it makes me want to throw up. I think he is so determined to dump me that nothing matters. So I should put getting the house ready to sell under "Creating a New Beautiful Life For Me" but just can't get there.
The house is clean and food is stocked. But the big projects are just so darn out of my desire to do. I set little goals and am only getting half those done.
Blah! And my best friend wants to go hiking in a little while. Her bucket list is wearing me out!
Yesterday I was out most of the day doing quilt stuff and errands. My H told our S22 if he did yard work he would take him to the movies and McDonalds.
I got home last night, they were still out. I had gone to get take-out from our favorite Thai place. When H and S got home it turned out they had gone to dinner a bit earlier at the same place. Too funny!
Oh well I will spend one hour cleaning up the pile on the carport, so I will have made some progress!
Aloha,
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
In my angrier days, right after I found out about the affair and moved out of the apartment, I wrote a song about my W called "She Takes the O Out of Country."
Needless to say, I was pretty angry then.
So was my having the song "In a Big Country" making you laugh?
I will dedicate the song you wrote to OW.
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Had a nice, but sad day today. Went hiking with my best friend. And it was not as fun as it could have been. Something about learning more about people and couples and interactions is hard for me. I am watching the 3 couples I spent the day with.
One has been married 32 years, One has been married 7, one is living together still on honeymoon. And I saw something in all 3 couples that I don't think I ever had with my H. They all joke and talk and we swapped out who was walking with who the whole 3 hour hike.
My H just doesn't ever seem to joke and talk. He is socially very hard to be around. He seems to hate group activities, the few times we did stuff like that it was all work related and he is just a drag.
I remember one time, ONE TIME!, when we went camping with a group and it was a blast. I have spent every get together I can ever remember worrying about him and when he wants to leave. ASAP is the usual answer.
I am trying to listen to the Keeping Love Alive audios. And that is making me think hard about my life. ARGGGGG! I feel like I'm starting to have a MLC. Maybe I never did love him and yaddah, yaddah, yaddah!
What I'm trying to say is I know there were good times, but right now I'm darnded if I can remember them!
I might have had a little "Straw That Broke the Camels Back" moment yesterday. I was outside headed out to the quilt meeting. H was outside by the cars. I said "My pond got dirty from the rain, I will clean it when I get home."
He made some remark about how amazing it was that the pond was doing so well with no pump running. I asked what he ment and he told me the pump was dead and that it hadn't been cleaned in months.
I told him I clean it every 2-3 days and had been since we got the new pump, about 6 months ago. And it just made me mad. If he doesn't SEE me doing something, he thinks I didn't do it. I don't SEE him work, but I know he is working. The fish aren't dead and the water is clear, so someone must be doing something. My koi in my pond are 6 years old. There are plants in there too. I can't believe he thinks it maintains itself!
I guess it is like the magical bananas, ice cream and orange juice that appears in the cupboard!
Oh blah, I'm off to bed!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
