Brooklyn Babe

[BklynMom]

I read an article this weekend on the 12 girls from upstate NY that developed ticks. Environmentalist have come to the area to examine the soil for toxins and parents are afraid to send their kids to the school. The psyhcological explaination has been viewed by many in the media as having a gender bias. The girls felt the pshycological explaination meant they were faking it and their ticks weren't real.

I have no idea whether these ticks developed from a toxic chemical in the environment or these girls developed a pshyological disease. This article made me realize that if the cause is all in their head it doesnt mean that the results are not the same. That they are still suffering from a very real disease.

On to my update. Again H and I had a lovely morning in the park with the girls though H feels nothing for me and is distant. It is still so nice pretending we are a family. On the way home, H asks if my father/lawyer thought the preliminary agreement was fair. I say yes expect he has different idea of custody agreement. I say my father doesnt like how the current arrangement is not formally set and we just go job by job and month to month sometimes even week to week.

I could tell my H did not like this answer. He wants me to agree to this fly by the seat of our pants custody agreement. He says that because we both work freelance jobs we cant commit to a traditional schedule. I tell him my father thinks a traditional schedule is better for the kids.

H leaves 15 minutes later with the girls and calls me from the car when he is with them. He is upset but very calm (as usual) Says he thinks that I am going to try to keep the girls from him. My father says that our decision to separate has consequences and this is one of them. I said I dont know if I agree with my father but its hard for me not to trust his judgement since he has been the one taking care of me. We agree to go to the family therapist next weekend to figure it out. He also through in something like, I cant wait another month to move forward with this process its just too long for me.

So now the freight train is back on the track.

While I was writing this a mutual male friend "J" called. He told me that he suspects my H is having a affair with the other woman but does not have any solid proof. J said when he was at my H new apartment in december he was giving himself a tour and thought the apartment was really nice. He was about to open a closet in my daughters room, on his self guided tour, and my H stopped him and said dont open that. I WISH I JUST KNEW FOR SURE!!! OGH!!

J also said at the same gathering OW was saying things like "oh H turned me on to this band" or "I started doing this workout cause H suggested it".

I have the afternoon to myself and I had planned to be super busy but right now its just better to be slightly busy and go easy on myself. This is really hard.

Almost forgot on the phone my H said "You know I would do anything for the girls" and I said "That is really hard for me to hear" I was very proud of my response. I thought it was calm but I also held my ground.