I read over your posts and Oh boy howdy can I identify...we all can. I feel for you, for your H sounds alot like my stbx. I still tend to spin, and am working myself out of another spin I've been in.
Im sorry to say, as time goes by you just get hip to all these MLC antics, and each time they throw something at you, well you're stronger, wiser, and not as effected anymore. I think one of the biggest struggles is our heads and hearts not alwyas being in the same place. Our heads know one thing ( GAL, move on, detatch, let go) but our hearts are a different matter all together. Our hearts get confused.
First of all, I've had the exact same script your H has given you. No emotional connection, doesn't feel that way about me anymore, hasn't for years, but still cares about me and it's not right I not be in his life from here on out, I'll be your friend,lets be the friends now that I could be before. It left me nothing but horribly confused, angry, resentful, horribly rejected, and depressed.
However I say this wihout a doubt the MLCer is truly as confused as they appear. They truly are feeling all that at once, and their feelings will turn on a dime. It's true when they say they'll always care about us or still love us, but don't feel that connection anymore. I think where the big Gap is between the LBS and MLCer is that the LBS is willing to explore these feelings and build where work is needed. The MLCer has the FEAR (F*** Everything And Run) mentality. The MLCer really some how rationalizes that we are the basis of their misfortune in life. Depression is key in this.
I've battled depression most of my adult life. I do understand the reason to project due to depression because I've been there. There have been so many times that I've thought that my life was horrible because it was other people's fault. But through alot of soul searching and looking back, I realize it was the depression that was making me feel that way. So objectively....I see where MLCers rationlize what we find ludicrous given depression is the catalyst for MLC.
Your H acting cool with everyone but treating you like enemy #1 is something I've dealt with for years. Why do they do this? Because in their eyes we are public enemy #1. Remember their train of thought is not objective and neither is their rationalization. Right now their main focus is themselves and the quest to feel better and feel happy again. They have to do it their way and if anyone suggests otherwise, it's just asking for more resistance. Right now they have tunnel vision.
Have you read "From withdrawal to Acceptance" link that Cadet posted for you? I strongly suggest you read that because it's really going to answer some things for you. On page #2 there are posts from an MLCer himself. He chose to post about what he went through with MLC. Actually there are two posters. There is Wonka and Happy Again. There will be another link for threads started by Happy Again in the 3rd page.
This gives you a glimpse into their thoughts, actions, and how they choose to rationalize things during MLC. It really validated many things for me, mainly that it truly is about them and NOT US. Let me repeat, it truly is about them and NOT US.
I too have struggled with the fact that it seems they're self destructing infront of us, yet won't listen to reason. Or like they've just jumped off the ship and refuse to take a life ring! For us people that are fixers ( which I am) this is awful!!!
However once you can start to get some detatchement under your belt, you can gain more objectivity. When objectivity and detatchement come in, this is where we really can grow and start forming our own lives away from our MLCers and not be so wrapped up in it. Believe me IT'S NO PIECE OF CAKE.... given all the cake eating given in MLC....LOL. Seems like they can get their cake and eat it too....yet we get no cake at all! LOL
So yes you are smack in the middle of Crazytown and your H is the mayor! But you can march directly out of city limits and then just watch the town and see how town runs.All the while you remain in your new residence of Rationalville, where you can be the mayor!
