Just remember, that "holding onto oneself" and "self-validating" doesn't mean "no boundary-setting." You need to mix your self-validation and self-soothing with an occasional reminder to your wife that you're not going to put up with her CB (crap behavior), in my opinion.
Starsky
I think self-validation is boundary-setting, because you're speaking-up and holding onto what's important to you, respectfully reminding my W of that, and then behaving consistently with that. I chose to attend the lesson without my W, because I didn't want to miss the opportunity to miss new moves, because she failed to get up on time. She was running late, was taking it out on me. I chose not to stay and participate. I had a great time, and she had to drive herself. My fear with a confrontive approach, is that it will escalate a situation, not get the result I'm looking for, and put her focus on me.
Last night, when our teachers cancelled our dance party, I spoke up and told her I was not interested in going for another late evening of dancing. There was a 10PM dance she was proposing. We were out till 1AM the night before at two venues. She and I took a day trip downtown to a local food market, and had a great time eating ethnic food, and buying some items for home. It lifts her spirits to eat well and have food at home to eat and cook. I suggested we cook some of the items, instead of going out. We had a nice evening together. I think the food market trip will become something regular, as it gets us out of our routines, and allows us to nurture our budding interest in cooking. I think need we to diversify activities beyond dancing, which can become a chore with lessons and practice.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
