I'm so conflicted today..... I really do feel like I live in crazytown.... I have been reading a lot on here, and the one thing that's been bothering me a lot lately is why is he acting normal with everyone else? Why do I get to be the one stuck with the body snatcher, and treated like someone he hates instead of the best friend I was....... I just can't wrap my head around how he can have perfectly normal conversations with his family (he's with his brothers a lot). Like when did they get so special? And when did I turn into the enemy??? How does that freaking happen??
I have also been seeing more and more of the teenager behavior.... again, I just don't get it. I know I know, don't try and figure him out, get a life, I get that, and I have been doing that, but it just creeps back into my head how messed up this whole thing is and how I deserve so much better than this.... all the love and support over the years and I get treated worse than an enemy.... I know life's not fair, but really this is just all too much!
I just keep telling myself someday he is going to realize how bad he has screwed up (I don't know if it will be too late by then or not), but still it just hurts so much seeing and hearing other people in his life being treated so well and me being ignored, and projected on, etc.
I'm sure I'm thinking about this more because tomorrow is his mommy's birthday and I'm sure she will get more than the "for what it's worth Happy Birthday" I got for my birthday back in November. And it's worse because she is a negative, judgmental, bitch...... Also today is 5 months since "bomb drop".
Any words of wisdom or just to know I'm not the only one living in or who has lived in crazytown would be nice......
