I think the separate acct move is good. Less things to get angry and/or resentful about. That is, if you have an agreement on how joint expenses will be paid.

I was freaked out about money for 6-7 months (you've probably seen this in my thread, money is a huge trigger for me) but I got my act together, came up with a plan and it works.

As for his coming over, how are you with it?

My thought, he should come and go as you please. I set a ground rule early on. "H, you have chosen to live elsewhere, this is my home. Please call first if you need to come here for any reason."

Why do you think he's doing this?

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss