I need some advice on something that admittedly is bothering me. It concerns me most in relation to our children
I have mentioned before how my H goes to great lengths to not even look at me. Well it was never more evident than yesterday.
My H is part of a group of veterans that when asked, attend the funerals of veterans or fallen active military and stand guard outside making sure all is kept respectful.
Yesterday, H's group was asked to stand guard of an elderly veteran in my town. I happen to work with two of this man's children. So, yes, I intended to go pay my respects.
Before H had to be there he called up D13, and asked if she'd like to stand with him and the other guards outside the funeral home. D wanting to spend time with her Dad said, yes. Not sure why H wanted her there with him, but have my thoughts...
I had decided to go near the end of the first set of visiting hours. Figured the crowd would have thinned by then. When I was getting ready D texted me and asked if I would bring her a sweatshirt because she had gotten cold.
I got ready, (lookin good, lol) grabbed D's sweatshirt and went to the funeral home. D saw me coming up the street with her sweatshirt, broke line and ran to meet me. She was so glad to see me and hugged me, she really was cold. She took her sweatshirt, put it on and ran back to the line and stood next to her Dad. H was standing at the end of the line of guards. H stood there stoic, he did not even glance at me or acknowledge me in any way, not even a smile. I went ahead and walked through the line and the other men smiled and greeted me. H was the same way when I came back out.
Remember, D13 is there taking all this in. She questioned me later as to why her Daddy wouldn't even look at me. I really didn't know what to tell her because I'm really not sure why myself.
My question is, do I say something to H about it or do I let this go, too? (I'm not DBing any more. Obviously, it didn't save my marriage, but it did save me to which I'm very grateful for and also to those on this board who were with me through my darkest days, and still walk beside me.)I just don't get it. After all this time, with H getting what he wanted, why can't he be civil when he sees me out? I do not bother H unnecessarily in any way. I have let go. H is generally very civil in emails, sometimes friendly and joking. Why must it be so awkward in public? We spent 27+ years of our lives together, I didn't make the choice to end it. I've accepted it for what it is. Why does he treat me like I'm the one who blew it all apart?
Another thing that has been running through my head is that H filed for D well over a year ago. When I got my own L and told H I would work with him on everything but the money, (H did not in any way want to pay alimony)H has not moved forward with any proposals. It is H's turn to make a move. I am willing to work on an agreement as to how the money allotment is meted out and take into consideration the amount H has paid in my utilities (his choice)off from the alimony amount. This would make it easier for H to live moving forward and give him the freedom to marry the ow if that's what he wants. Do I tell H I'm willing to work with him on it? TBH, I have no reason, at this time, other than give H what he wants.
Is it possible that this is why H dislikes me? He still sees me as being the block to his true happiness?
