Is this cake eating 4

[bustorama]

NLW,

Your H's behavior to you is abusive (what we used to call crap behavior around here) -- both in content and tone.

You don't deserve crap behavior and should not tolerate it. If you demand respectful behavior from your H, he is more likely to respect you.

That is one function of LRT, as suggested by Denver (not to allow H to cross your boundaries in how he treats you), but if you do not want to go all the way there yet, you can simply say,

H, when you give threats or ultimatums, I feel bullied and intimidated. I know that this stuff can be tough to talk about, but I can't talk to someone that is treating me like that. If you keep treating me that way, I am going to hang up and not answer the phone for 30 minutes. And if he keeps it up, you hang up and not answer his calls 30 minutes. And you keep doing this (lengthening the consequence incrementally up to full LRT, perhaps) until he treats you with the respect you deserve.