Everwhere is walking distance if you have the time

[ClingingToHope]

She texted back that she thought I had tickets Friday not -- not today....

Just a long, emotionally trying day. I bounce back and forth. I read a book, the Journey from Abandonment to Hope. One of the exercises in it is to imagine your life in five and 10 years. And right now it's such a muddled mess that I can't imagine myself in five years -- and I can't imagine myself happy.

I went out with a divorced friend for drinks. In some respects, I'm way ahead of him. He lets his XW get under his skin about kid stuff, then he lets off steam around them and the result is they are closer to the X than they are to him.

I've been pretty good at that. My relationship with the girls remains strong.

Another friend is divorced. His XW makes $10k more a year, just a got a big raise while he hasn't had one in three years and she's taking him to court for more child support.

There was lots to talk about. I remember hearing stories about divorces where one spouse moves hours away, severely reducing the amount of time they see their kids. I couldn't understand that until now. I wished I could just pack up and start over somewhere else. I can't though. I'd never leave D13 and D9.

I want to conquer this the right way. I want to come out of this a better person. I found some peace in thinking "What would Jesus do?"

He'd be happy for XW. She certainly looked happy today. He'd focus on his own journey and the journey of D13 and D9.

I need sleep. Lots and lots of sleep.

In a way, if we get the running races again this year, this was the end of winter. March through October my life revolves around the girls and my part-time running race job.

It was a mild but long winter. I have to remember I made this choice to be alone. DHU-41 wanted a long-term relationship and I let that go. There were so many red flags that I don't regret it, but I also wonder if I wouldn't have put more effort into it if I knew XW was dating someone.

The truth of the matter is that my emotional well being still revolves around XW and I have to change that. 98 percent of the time I'm doing well. I have to get to 100 percent though. That last 2 percent is a hell of a bridge.