why not at least READ the threads on Surviving Divorce? Can't hurt...
Most people who are the LBSers & DBd, say that down the road, they are happier.
I'll repeat that for emphasis. Most people who were left behind, and practiced the DB ways, are happier than they would have been if the spouse had Not left.
WHY? B/C we work on ourselves and we GAL and we learn to be happy with OR without our spouse. (That is attractive too)
In your particular case you already know your gf has a problem child,
and he will NOT get better as he gets bigger. He's not like a fine wine, improving with age...on the contrary.
So to me, already I can see there are many heartaches and headaches that you will NOT have if you two are apart. That kid will hurt the r again and she will let it. Thank God you don't have kids together.
That is one silver lining.
But I KNOW that you are hurt and I do not want to minimize that pain.
But I'm detached from the situation and can honestly say
the r does not sound as if it was healthy for you OR her (or her kid. If He's this bratty now, he must be miserable).
Your own family says she was bad news AND you repeatedly went off your meds when with her...that's not healthy for you.
So as for what to do...w/HER? What is there to do with her?
She said NO CONTACT or she'll get a restraining order. I think she means it. So For now, you cannot contact her. Period.
Back way way off and work on yourself. GAL and DETACH...today! Be a man only a fool would leave. Then,
IF, and I mean IF IF IF,
she ever turns your way again,
-- you will be in a much better healthier place to engage with her than you are now.
And if she does not, you will be happier that much faster.
Make sense?
jack, though Your pain is real you know it is not fatal and it is Not eternal.
Show your boys that when they face heartbreak (and we ALL do) they will know what a man of strength and honor does to get through it. They are watching you.
Model for them how to grieve and work through it as the process it is and then let them see you GROW into a better happier man.
You would leave so much wreckage if you took your own life; your sons and THEIR sons and daughters would be affected.
That is not a legacy you want to leave them. Plus your friends and family's pain too...don't even think that way. Model the man of honor and strength for them.
btw I knew a man who took his life when his 3rd wife left him. Instead of working on himself to be a better husband, he got sad and mad, then sadder, and took his life. His 13 y/o son found him...
He had 5 kids in all. 20 years have passed and 4 of them suffer from depression and are single. And Their children are affected by their parent's depression.
His suicide has had mulitgenerational damaging effects.
He wanted his pain to end that day, but he left decades of pain for his loved ones.
And his children (and ex wife) DISLIKED him for him taking his life. They were so angry at him for doing this to them.
There was no pity; just disappointment and anger at him.
Stay strong. You have been down this road before and can get yourself on track again.
Keep Posting!
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thanks 25 - I agree with you 100% on the lasting effects of suicide. I would never really consider this because of this fact. My boys were hurt enough with the divorce. I could never be that selfish.
As far as the r....you are right. There were problems. It's been a couple months since I have spent time with her son and I almost forgot.
I have some serious issues. Would I want to be with someone as emotionally and financially unstable as myself? Probably not.
The pain is very real. Knowing she is with him right now is almost unbearable knowing she was in my arms less than 48 hours ago.
I know my mental state is not great right now. I am so sad.
I need to GAL and work on myself. I need to give back to this community where I can.
it's like the saying "hey, first you put the oxygen mask on YOU" and then later, you can help others. IF you don't have enough "air" no one gets help.
List some of the GAL things you would like to do.
Try to make yourself JOIN something this week. Meet new people! Take a class. Go to church, etc. I did a lot of GAL in the interior of Alaska in the winter
and if I can GAL there, you can GAL wherever you are.
I know it's so tempting to curl up in bed and stay under the covers- but you must not.
You have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and take forward steps.
IF thoughts of her and OM come up, then place a mental STOP SIGN in your head and change topics.
Be busy. Rent action pack flicks or good comedies.
Life is shorter than we realize, and those boys need you NOW.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
