Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing

[Jenna333]

Rick, thanks for the response. I just feel so off today.

I can't seem to shake this. He just left for work. We hardly spoke all day. He would try, and I just feel numb, so I wouldn't say much. He's going out again after work. Woo hoo. Except this time he is only going to make an appearance. I have to trust that he will be where he says he'll be. I hate this [censored]! I never wanted to feel how I felt in the old relationship again. 

I feel like I'm making a huge deal of this. Too big of a deal. He went to a strip club and stayed for 20mins. Didn't even look at the strippers (I do believe him on that), and yeah, he left the strip club part out when he told me about going out, but a little bit later came to me completely on his own to tell me. He was pissed at his friend for going there when he told him before that he wouldn't go to the strip club. He said he actually told his friend that he felt like he was compromising his integrity and didn't like it. He told me that he's rethinking hanging out with this particular coworker. This guy talks a lot of crap. He was literally telling J to hit him. He plays the tough guy act. J is a big man. 6'4 and 260lbs. He said he got fed up with him and hit him. He broke his favorite watch. So damn immature!

I just have to trust that he really feels different this time, like he says. 

I'm weirded out that I feel numb. I don't think I'd be making *as* big a deal about this if I didn't feel completely closed off.