I get plenty of practice with self-validated intimacy--holding onto myself when my W is not validating me for whatever reason (lack of sleep, anxiety, something else). She didn't get up in time for class on Friday, so was complaining that I once again haven't been a good enough dance partner over the years (failure to retain moves, failure to practice enough, and so on). I chose to attend the lesson by myself, for my own benefit. She came late and wasn't herself for most of the evening. Her sleep schedule is inconsistent. I tolerated my dances with my W, who picked at me for any flaw she could find. I danced with a lot of women, who validated my skills. I was considering possibly suggesting to her that we not renew for another year with the studio if she's that unhappy with our progress. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I'll need to remember that what's important to me is also a part of that decision.
I'm trying hard not to get overly worked up when she's irritable, not validating, or provocative. I'm not immune to it, but I'm getting better. I also try to realize there's more going on that's beyond me, so try not to take it personally.
I keep thinking about how the author of Passionate Marriage states that intimacy is not always comfortable.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
