WAW in Los Angeles

[wawinla]

WLA,
I think that is an excellent gameplan.

Your w has her agenda and if she gets p!ssed that you aren't doing everything in YOUR power to accommodate HER agenda...

... so be it.

My WAW came over today to box up what she wants from the house, as escrow closes in 2 weeks. Not once during the 4 hours together did the D come up. Not sure why and I didn't bring it up. It was the first time I can remember her not asking about the D or trying to push the agenda. It was a nice change of pace.

Speaking of... Does your w know?

She does know about the cancer. Since I'm on her health insurance, that's one of the issues that the attorneys are working through (structure the divorce to be finalized with the court after my surgery and rehab). Other than that, she hasn't asked anything about the procedure or my condition.

I did ask her to come to the hospital on the day of the surgery shortly after I was diagnosed...her reaction was the "quarterly close is that week and things will be hectic"...no commitment to be there or not. I've learned that there's no point in guessing what's in her mind, but I would like to believe that her feeling any emotions toward me would create such dissonance that she doesn't know if she really wants to be there or not.

As an aside, it was sad to see that my WAW wants no memories of our relationship. No pictures and particularly nothing to do with our wedding at all. For instance, her maid of honor (mutual friend) as a wedding gift dried out the roses I gave to my WAW on the day I proposed and place them inside a beautiful crystal vase along with the commemorative certificate from the hotel where we were married. When I asked if my WAW wanted to keep the vase, her reaction was..."that's a nice vase, I can use them for something else."

Through this journey, this is the hardest for me to deal with, how my WAW doesn't really want anything to do with me. Maybe this is why whenever I see her, my initial impulse is to go hug her or want to be emotional...but I fight this urge and understand that loving someone who does not love you is unhealthy. Nonetheless, it is a deep wound that will take awhile to heal.

Thanks V and all the other folks on the board for accepting me without judgment and who patiently support me through this difficult transition. Not a great day today, but plan to do something for me this weekend as I go through the task of packing up what I'm taking to my new place.