Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing

[Jenna333]

We made love this morning after talking about how his night out went, and then I took a shower. As I was getting out, he came into the bathroom and sat down. He said, "I can't do this anymore. I have something to tell you." I freaked out. Asked him if he cheated on me. Asked him if he hung out with her He said no. He said when he called his friends to see where they were, they told him the strip club. He said he wasn't going to go, but they convinced him to by saying that the club and bar weren't near each other, so it wouldn't even be like he was in a strip club. He went and said he could see the stage from the bar and was pissed off and wanted to leave. His buddy had a stripper all over him, but J had a beer and they left after 20mins. He didn't even go to strip clubs during our split. He's not into them. 

I'm upset that he lied. He said he wanted to tell me and knew he was going to, it was just a matter of when. He said he felt like he was chipping away at his integrity, and when he looked at himself in the mirror, he knew he couldn't keep anything from me. 

It's not the strip club that bothers me too much. It he had a stripper on him, then yeah, but just sitting at the bar? Whatever. It's the LIE by omission that hurts me to the core. I told him that I know what I'm worth and I refuse to live like that anymore. He said he doesn't want to lie to me and this proves it; that he told me. 

Blahhhh. It's the lie. Being lied to is a horrible feeling. I don't care what the lie was about. The lie itself causes so much damage. I hope he won't lie anymore. Every time something like this happens, it makes it harder for me to relax and trust him. How could it not? He's had 'breakthroughs' like this in the past, where he'd come to me and tell the truth. It never lasted long. I hope this time's different. That's all I can do...hope.