Thank you for responding Tested, Rick, Weni and all.
I'd like to address a couple things. First off, I understand what Rick is saying about taking accountability for our own part and believe me I have scrutinized myself and probably laid blame on myself for far more than I should. But, what is going on with my W goes far beyond normal marital problems. Her abandonment of the kids and subsequent personality change into some sort of irresponsible teenager (everyone I've spoken to has noticed this, including her own FOO who have embraced me more than ever) has NOTHING to do with any problems between she and I. I truly believe what she is going through has nothing to do with me, although how I respond to her now does. I don't know where you are in this, Rick, but I would strongly caution you not to beat yourself up like it seems you may have.
Also, MLC is not a diagnosis but rather a period of growth that we all go through yet I feel the problems are compounded in some due to hormones or possibly unresolved childhood issues. Eriksen's stages are a good place to start if you want to look at how not resolving crises early in life can cause them to manifest later. I do not treat my W as a patient by any means, but I do treat her as someone who is depressed and not completely thinking clearly.
Testing, why should you not have confronted her about the affairs? I'm unclear, and I hope you don't mean that it was none of your business if you were married. Can you enlighten me on this?
Are you guys also posting on Hero's Spouse? Cadet and many from here are on there and some advantages are that you can PM each other. I think it's great to post on more than one forum as you get many different perspectives.
As for me, nothing really new. W has planned a family vacation with me and her FOO for the Summer and a family vacation with just us and the kids for Fall Break. In our conversation about those she asked me if I thought it was okay for us to still take family vacations and I made the mistake of saying "Who knows what the future holds." She stated that she still wanted to D me and asked me about signing the SA. First time she's mentioned D in 3 months and the SA in 6 months. Stupid me for poking the Beast there. Other than that, everything remains pleasant and civil. The circus day was awesome and just like old times, and she's invited me to other things since then. I really hope we are moving toward R and it's not just an illusion. I would give anything in the world for my family to be back under one roof again.
Peace to you all.
M 39 W 41 Married 18 years Together 21 D18 D10 S6 D filed May 16, 2011 Bomb Dropped May 18, 2011 D in process
By confronting her on the affairs it just led her to push me out quicker. Immediately after the confrontation she manipulated me by using my financial status to froce me out of the apartment, only to have OM move in. Although, if I hadn't she would be cake eating, so I guess in retrospect I was danged anyway.
Things are looking better now for me personally, but I don't know if the M is going to survive as W is deep in fantasy land.
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
