Where to start...will probaly post some later because have to run to yoga
W is having a pretty interesting reaction to her Mom leaving. How can she do that? Its her issue but what about me...I'm her daughter, what about our R? I feel so judged and a failure....she's moving to my sisters and it makes me look so bad. Hmmmm...the other side of the coin suxx now doesn't it?
Everything was pouring out from her this morning. I will probably post things at different times as I relive it thru the day.
She's asking why her entire life has fallen apart when all she is trying to do is finally take control of her life, get beyond her demons, and live authentically. I shared with her that she has never really developed the tools that are needed for that type of live. In her case she lives through the heart and it's all pure, however she has no governing control over her emotions. What erupts in one area, spills into every area of her life and blows each area up together...hence M blows up, R with kids blows up, all of it. I told her that some can compartmentalize a little better sometimes - life identity crisis here and that's tough, but M check, kids check, favorite movies check. One area doesn't blow all the others up even if they do affect them. But seeing how she's currently working at an emotional level of age eight (not a joke here, that's the diagnosis from the trauma) she has never developed a lot of adult tools. I'm not ragging on her for it either....she just never took these stages on until now and all at once. And for me and her, there's a fine line I walk with her. She needs to get this stuff on her own and there's the knowledge that she really did love me more in a father figure way. I can't let her latch onto me that way through this, yet still need to provide my insight when asked.
Still for me, there's the question of the moral choices she's making...how much is just part of growing up for her. She thinks I don't know where she's going today and she told me she's going to do her camera work today (which is true) but is omitting the elephant in the room, OM. And, she is so far removed from my life. Today's Battle Royale in Chinatown today...she doesn't even know...not in a place where she can see beyond herself.
