I haven't read the love dare yet... we are finishing up with the five love languages. What a good book this has been.
I haven't really updated much because things are moving slowly, but in a good direction. I'm back and forth, inside some times. H is very much on board with healing our marriage and has continued his efforts, and that makes me feel happy, yet at the same time I'm still frightened that at any moment, it's all going to go away again. I find myself pulling away at times. I want to protect myself.
H wrote me a letter telling me about how he felt last summer, and what he wants now, and that he wants "forever" with me. I feel blessed, and I feel happy..... but that frightened feeling overshadows this.
You are right Angel.... I'm very lucky he woke up as quickly as he did, as I see many people who can go through this for years, or the spouse just never returns at all. I'm know I'm lucky that my H is here.
My H told me during our last MC session that what made him wake up was the night I told him to go. We were in the garage and he was being nasty to me, spewing. He told me that being married and being here was like being in prison. I told him that in prison the locks are on the outside of the door, but here, they are inside and he is welcome to go at any time, and that I would never hold him here.
He said he realized that night, after I told him to just go.... that he was faced with the idea of really doing it, of really leaving me and our D behind and he said in that moment he knew he didn't want to do that and began to work on his feelings inside and came to some realizations.
My H still refers to the time period last summer as being "his crazy time" or "I went nuts".
You know... I know that is true but I'd rather him not continue to put himself down. Does that sound crazy? lol
It's something he went through..... it was valid, it happened... and he worked through it as it was meant to be.
