Update 5:51pm I don't know where to start (or end). This past couple of day my wife has gone nuts, and the sad thing is, she's been able to press my buttons with what she says.
The past couple of days she started asking for her things that I still have in my house. She went into this whole schpeel about how she's entitled to take her and our son's things; that I just can't go and donate them or sell them off (and pocket the profit). She told me that I haven't changed, that I'm still not a man because I filed married joint for our taxes and not separately and pocketed the return. (I told her it's hers if she wants to come back to within the confines of this marriage).
She kept saying that she could still tell that I was lying to her from the way my right cheek indent, just like always. Totally bogus science, of course. There's micro-expressions, body language and vocal queues that all have to be carefully taken into account, not some quick study. I futilely told her that even if she was reading "an" emotion from me, it's not lying, it's guilt. I did since the beginning -- from doing porn, from lying about, from the pain.
Anyway.
Today, she basically showed up early and walked into my garage and started going through boxes and taking what she figured she deserves. I don't feel like going into the entire conversation(s), because I'm worn out and pissed that I get drawn into this again. Plus, all she brought up was basically the same-line script she's used forever, except more aggressively; I guess she's trying to make sure she doesn't lose/leave anything important before she has to leave for SC.
After thinking it through, I think all she did today and yesterday was:
a. Try to justify her actions (leaving, filing for divorce) by repeating the same lines over and over and over again, i.e. Alamo -- you're a liar, you haven't changed, you will always hurt me.
b. Expose our son to some negative conversations. I talked to him about when I picked him from daycare today. I apologized for last night and told him that at least I will try to speak calmly and not so "scarily". Couldn't speak for mommy, though. Today while my wife was going on this spree, I tried my best to keep him involved and kept talking to him and played with him. Much to her benefit.
I just got off from talking to my sister and (she's been one of the angriest about this whole thing among every one I know) she just flat out said: "Just divorce her already. She's playing dirty and isn't likely to stop. What are you waiting for?"
In short, I basically said that divorcing is against my principles; it's not about unrealistic dreamworld hope, but about why I don't and shouldn't fight in court with a "sister" in Christ. I will contest with an ex parte solely to protect myself and hopefully our son, but I won't go down the divorce path -- my wife is using that as her offensive, not me.
Sorry in advance for my ramblings. It's all over the place today.
