Accuray, could you elaborate a little bit more about this? This sounds like it could apply a bit to my situation as well. Suppose that the following (quoted portion)is true, what should or can the LBS do to fix this while still following the DB principles?
im having so much trouble with DBing/detaching/ and also 180s since some of the principles seem to contradict at times. i'm trying to detach but at the same time trying to implement changes in response to complaints H has had about me.
when you get a chance, could you also take a quick look at my thread as well? thanks so much!!
Originally Posted By: Accuray
The simple explanation would be that he decided to give up instead of facing continued rejection, and is "convincing himself" that he doesn't have feelings for you anymore to free him from not feeling good enough.
What do you think about that? Do you think H "gave up" because he felt his best effort wasn't good enough, that he put himself out there and his level of intimacy wasn't reciprocated?
A few things to be aware of. I read a great book called "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It". In that book, it talks about just how important it is for a man to feel like a good provider. It's an evolutionary, animalistic sort of need. If he feels like he's not being a good provider, because you complain about what he's bringing to the table, then he's going to feel badly about himself. That feeling inadequate will really do a job on him over time and he'll seek to escape that feeling however he can, thrill seeking, etc. It leads to a feeling of being trapped, and he may have needed to escape.
He may fear, now, that he will always feel inadequate with you, and that's what he's running from. Accuray
