Cadet, you're an experienced DBer. Can you point me (us?) at any resources on "cake eating"? I've struggled with whether I should be doing things around the house to make things easier on W, really worried that I'm giving her the best of both worlds.
My DB coach advised me differently. She feels that the things I do to make W's life better are constructive and that I'm making deposits to her "love bank".
In my case, there is only a long-distance EA, not a PA. I'm not sure if that makes a difference.
Is there a thread somewhere that I can read?
Cadet has a ton of threads for you to read!
For now I'll say what my DB coach said to me 5 years ago...
"ALL WAS/MLCers are cake eaters at first...they want out &the LBSer doesn't."
But LBSer who want to be "teaching the WAS a lesson" or "showing them the consequences" is usually seen as punitive and coming from anger, (usually it is no matter how disguised/rationalized it is) but
besides, it's NOT the job of a spouse to do those things.
Life does.
Prepare to do ALL the work on the m for a longer time than you expect. Why should you do all the work?
B/c you are here posting to save your m and she's not.
B/C she wants out of the marriage and you are here trying to save it.
You are all we can help and you are all you control. You are NOT powerless but you do have to check yourself for motives.
Ask if what you want to do or say is coming from a place of love or anger. Will it move you towards your goal or away from it?
Will it make you feel good to blow off some steam only to realize later that you merely confirmed for her , the choice to leave?
GAL and Detach. Be the better choice. No woman is unmoved by loving interactions between her children and their dad. Be there for them like never before.
What were you like before you married your w? Get back to him.
Become a man only a fool would leave.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
