Originally Posted By: labug


Have you talked to an attorney?


i plan to go consult one soon. I feel kind of torn over this as it makes the D seem more and more real (and final). i don't want to be in denial about this but at the same time i don't want to lose sight of trying to repair the marriage either. its almost like i'm working at cross purposes with myself... trying to think for 2 (saving the marriage), but also at the same time trying to think about whats best for myself (if the D goes through).

yesterday, H wanted to talk more about the details of the D, which launched into another R talk. i'm not sure if i db'd correctly... anyway, we ended up getting into the "whys" of why H thinks that D is the answer. i reiterated that i did not want the D, and that i was still wanting to try and reconcile (i realized after the fact that this is not validating as per the 37 rules). how does one DB when H says he wants a D?

H then launched into another spew, saying that i never loved him, only wanted him to start a family, and never listened to him. When H says stuff like i don't love him, I always tend to defend myself saying that i do. looking back, should I have just agreed with him or said, "i'm sorry you feel this way?" i've been trying to not pursue H anymore, but i wonder what things i can do to show H that i really do care while taking a step back from the pursuit - any ideas????

i feel as though i've made some 180's, but H is still full throttle in D mode. he's so stubborn, that i wonder if anything i do at this point will have an effect. i mean things have definitely improved between the two of us (he's no longer angry, we are pretty friendly toward each other), but H is still treating me like a friendly roommate at best. it hurts so much when i compare how we were just a few months ago to how things are now. it really feels a lot of times like H is a whole different person (the alien analogy definitely rings true).

sigh...at times like these, i feel like i'm back at square one when it comes to DBing and that there is still so much for me to learn. i also realize that while i can "act" detached, full embodying detachment, on the other hand, is still a huge work in progress...