I had a bad night, thunder and lightening storms all night. Scared dogs huddling on me..... And of course in the old days I would be laying next to H for comfort. I forced myself to not go upstairs and get in bed with him. He might have told me to go away, anyway, and who wants to hear that?

The storms make my heart race, horrible feeling. So this morning I did something I haven't been doing. I didn't get up and say goodbye to H as he went off to work. I was thinking about it when I was awake most of the night. And he doesn't know what it is like to be alone. I am always around.

And when I'm saying goodbye every morning I'm thinking that he will say goodbye to me then get in his truck and talk to OW the whole way to work. They can't have cell phones in the building, so they email during the day, them he talks to her the whole drive home. (Lately I think he is pulling over somewhere to talk and then telling me he worked late.)

I find it funny that he is stating to me so plainly that he is leaving me, but he won't talk to her while in our house. And takes pains to hid that he is texting her in front of me.

I need to be working harder on that air of mystery. He won't have to ask can he watch TV with me tonight. I've got plans! My best friends H's birthday party. I will leave a note for him to find when he gets home from work. There is some excellent left-over meatloaf and sides in the fridge.

I'm seeing that he needs time alone to think. And everytime I go do things on my own it sort of bugs him. He needs to spend more time in that uncomfortable place, where he doesn't get to call the shots for me.

I have a hard time lately even getting out of bed. I am actually more depressed than I care to admit sometimes. I am only getting about 1/8th things done that I want to get done.

I have several projects to do for the quilt show. I have started just staying up an hour later every night to work on them. This is helping with my feelings, because I'm seeing progress. Last night I finished a small quilt. It isn't for the show. I just like to have a quilt to warm up on when I do my long arm. I will finish the top of the big indigo quilt I'm making for the show. Then get them quilted on my longarm.

Depression is an awful thing!

Okay, off to lift weights and buy a card and cake for the birthday boy. He gets carrot cake!

Wendy

Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
D final 9/12
Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!