Denial....its not just a river in Egypt...

[imthemom]

was thinking of moving over to Surviving forum...I hate to leave you girls, I dont know what I would have done if I didnt have you guys to talk to and vent with through all of this. You guys have listened to me sound like the pathetic puddle I was and grow to what I hope is the strong woman I use to be and want to get back to so badly!!!

If you guys only knew what you have talked me threw...it really did get pretty dark for me there for awhile, Ive never felt like that before in my life and dont ever want to go back to that again. The stuff I posted was bad enough...the crazy crap I didnt was horrible. Spring in almost here and I am feeling like Im waking up...I cant change what the path is, and really, dont know if I would want to if change was offered. People are broken, and damaged and sometimes they just cant be of any use to anyone. Its sad to see someone you care about go threw that kind of pain but at some point you just have to cut your losses and move on.

My STBXH is SO damaged, his childhood is one that no one should have ever had to live threw...raised by alcoholics, taking care of his younger siblings...sitting in bars waiting for his parents to finish so they could go home and watch them fight. being responsible for things at way to young of an age...until he was old enough to join the Navy and get the h#$! out. recentley I found out there is a history of abuse...I dont know details and he has never mentioned this to me in 19 yrs. during the moving process I found a notebook that he was using for his 12 step work. It mentioned an uncle and the abuse, We have never spoke of it and I will never ask him but It must be very painfull to never have mentioned it to me.

I have some sympathy for him because of this but there is still no excuse for the hatefull way he has treated me in the last 8 months. I think he is so far gone he is not aware of what he is doing. Right now he is in the middle of that great, new feeling of being in love and nothing else matters. who is going to give that up when youve been so unhappy for so long and now you have this great thing going. Im starting to think there is some MLC going on with him but really...it doesnt matter. He is on his own...and I just want to find me again..or maybe for the first time..