OMG I cant believe she is gone

[leopoldstotch]

H2bH step back and take a deep breath. The first thing you need to do is STOP SNOOPING! You keep telling us that you aren't going to do it anymore but you still are snooping! The second thing you need to do is own up to the fact that you an EA for 5 years. You need to see that from your W's perspective. The fact that your W may have an OM is not the reason she wants a D it is a symptom of your M.

IMHO you need help ASAP. It is time for you to go to a psychiatrist or a counselor. There is absolutely no shame in getting the much needed help for yourself and taking some medication is not a sign of weakness at all. I can tell from your posts that your emotions are all over the map. It is ok for you to grieve and feel hurt do not keep these feeling bottled up.
Why don't you set a limit for the grieving and hurt after which you are going to be tougher on yourself.

Right now I would refrain from contacting her. You know there was a reason for her leaving use this separation as an opportunity for you. Your M is just one part of your life and you know you have many other things to be grateful for. Remember that you can not control so stop trying to. You are not incomplete with her. It's time for you to look forward to the future and dream of doing new things. regain your personal power because it will make you look, act and feel more desirable than ever.

If you challenge yourself to improve yourself and do what you love the more impressed everyone is going to be with the way you're handling your sitch and I'll bet your W will get wind of it.

As far as the money sitch goes I just got off the phone with a L and I was advised to get my own checking account. We currently have a joint savings/checking account. I was also advised to go to my bank and talk with them about requiring both signatures so that the accounts cannot be cleaned out. My advice to you is to contact a L immediately so you know your rights. The consultation is free and very helpful. You need to protect yourself at a time when you are most vulnerable. The L even told me to change the locks on the house once she moves out so that my W does not have free reign to come in and clean me out when I'm not home after all he said I can't come and go as I please to her new residence. In order for her to have access to the house she would have to take me to court. So please take my advice, protect yourself! I've given you a lot to think about. I'll check back later.