Specifics, please! Can't afford telephone consult!

[ptcr]

Mishka, thanks for advice on tickets. Calling brother this morning. May rent a car since there are 4 of us going to Berlin....drive on the Autobahn and all!

So, if he SHOWS his love in AOS that is how he wants to receive it you think? We did the 5 LL study a long long time ago and most recently did Love and Respect (he feels disrespected by my disagreeing with him he says "constantly" where I feel like he is a "helicopter" parent/husband swooping in on us and trying to change things when he is home from a trip so my 180 has been agreeing to every single thing he has done - besides that big check from the VA - since he left).

Our latest Intimacy Issues Bible study uncovered sexual issues. He said the week he was home and had one foot out of the door that we never needed a marriage counselor and that we just needed a sex therapist. So, I called one and made an appointment. He said he is addicted to sex with OW. All I can do is wait this one out. He repeatedly said he did not have enough sex when he was younger and that he missed out. Again, reiterated this the week he had 1 foot out the door. What do I do with this? Wait it out is my only option. He said that for first 18 months he was fooling around and it was meaningless (referred to self as sex addict and then back pedaled big time and denied it) but this new OW is different - it is emotional and he is in love with her.

The emails I intercepted between them in January are exclusively about sex and exercise (she runs half marathons).

Another thing he mentioned to was that I was not active enough. I go to the gym - he refers to us as "gym rats" - and he is a triathlete and he said he just wanted us to be "fit" and I was "going in the wrong direction." Keep in mind, I am a size 8. There is nothing about me that is in the wrong direction, I am just not a competitive athlete.

I have never been a runner...the occasional 5K race but I don't like to run. Period. Never have. I love the gym, the elliptical, lifting weights, but I am not a competitive athlete. She is and he finds that enticing, i know, because they were going to register for 1/2 marathon he told me on his way out the door. Should I start running?????

One of the women was a competitive tennis player that he saw for a while....again, he is a 4.0 tennis player and I played on a team for a while and we enjoyed mixed doubles but HE is competitive AND good and I am a 3.0 player. He watched me lose a doubles match once at the Tennis Center and said it was THE most frustrating thing he has ever seen because I lost the mental game in the second set and then didn't even get a game in the third). Of course, I go TO his tennis matches and cheer him on and TO his triathlons and cheer him on, but if in his mind this is not enough, what can I do?

I have always believed that my role was a mom and wife to a family that had one parent gone 1/2 of every month and before the airlines he was on deployments and detachments (had S18 ALONE during a 6-month deployment and H not home until he was almost a month old - now THAT took some strength) and yes now I realize I lost myself somewhere along the way but I am who I am...a great baker, nurturing person, servant heart volunteer worker, gardener, avid reader, music lover - polar opposite of competitive athlete.

Any ideas on what he is "really" telling me. I would love to know. I would walk to LA from NY as someone else said...with a smile on my face.