Tad's Overdue Update

[tadpole1025]

Thank you Snodderly, Sunshine, Wen, Beatrice and AJ. I'm glad that you haven't given up on me yet.

Snodderly, reading the things that your H said made me laugh. They are funny.....and sad. Sounds a lot like my X.

I'm still not sure about the music thing. It hurts. I just don't think I'm really ready yet.

Have you considered playing your least listened to type of music? Like classical? Just wondering if you could ease back to something you clearly loved?!?

That's the problem. I liked ALL of it. I listened to everything. Really.

Have you ever considered all the things you did right?

Yes, but it just makes me realize what I could have done better....

AJ, you make it sound so easy.

I guess I have to "face the music" so to speak. Much easier said than done.

Have you ever considered the things you did, if you had been with somebody else, would have been seen differently by that person? They may have even been supportive of your career and you?

Yes. I would think that someone else would have been more supportive. My counselor told me a year ago that he believed that X was a little jealous of my career. But....I would also like to point out that it couldn't have been very easy for X being the W of a celebrity. I think it may be tough for a lot of people.

Update:

Today = not good.

Actually, it was pretty damn bad. I don't know what happened. I've had bad days before but this was the worst one in months. A friend at work even commented on it. I don't know what got into me today.

It does help when I think that X is in a fog or is crazy, but who's to say that she is? I mean really?

You know what the sad part is? Even with all of the progress that I've made, there is a small part of me that wants to call her and tell her how I feel about her. I STILL love her dearly. Its like an angel sitting on my shoulder telling me to leave her alone and a demon on the other telling me to call.

I also find myself wondering what I could have done differently. She meant everything to me and I somehow managed to lose her.

I know....

Pathetic.