Today I heard the song "In a Big Country" two times.
Here are the lyrics to refresh anyone's memory:
I've never seen you look like this without a reason, Another promise fallen through, another season passes by you. I never took the smile away from anybody's face, And that's a desperate way to look for someone who is still a child.
CHORUS: And in a big country, dreams stay with you, Like a lover's voice, fires the mountainside.. Stay alive..
(I thought that pain and truth were things that really mattered But you can't stay here with every single hope you had shattered)
I'm not expecting to grow flowers in the desert, But I can live and breathe and see the sun in wintertime..
CHORUS [x2]
So take that look out of here, it doesn't fit you. Because it's happened doesn't mean you've been discarded. Pull up your head off the floor, come up screaming. Cry out for everything you ever might have wanted. I thought that pain and truth were things that really mattered But you can't stay here with every single hope you had shattered.
I'm not expecting to grow flowers in the desert, But I can live and breathe and see the sun in wintertime..
CHORUS [x3]
And boy was it speaking to me! I am trying really hard not to view myself as discarded.
Yes kml, that friend isn't really a good friend.
And yes, those 3 paths are the most likely. And I can't even guess myself which way it will go. Though if I had 100K this morning I would have already bought a condo in Kahala and not looked back. Dang there was a good short sale for cash only. Bet it is gone already.
A couple years ago I bought a set of Great Books from an older woman in Kahala. And I had this weird out of body experience when I was putting the books in my car. I could see myself living in that neighborhood as a little old lady.
I spent an hour on the phone with one of my H's cousins, who divorced his wife, then remarried her. She left him, and he said it was tough getting back together, but he feels like they are better now than before. He said his kids are what got them back together. He is 10 years younger than me. And his kids are teens.
He said if my H asked to get back together again, to make him beg. He said he waited 6 months after his wife wanted reconcile, they went to MC during that time, then got back together. This cousin thinks there is a 98% chance my H will want to get back together. Anyway, I always loved this cousin, we used to have fun together. (I always took him to the store and bought him toys. And we had a '79 Stingray Corvette L82. What kid wouldn't want a ride in that!)
My H has been acting sweet as pie today. Asking to watch TV with me. Which I say yes too, when I should be out not being here. He was sure to tell me he will happily go down to the other room to watch TV if he was bothering me.
And to me it seems like a play on his part to have me reject him. So I played it by ear and said he could watch TV with me. Mostly because HE ASKED and seemed to consider my feelings. And maybe I should be letting him stew all alone, but to me it feels like a chance for me to be with him, show him the woman only a fool would leave, and most of all to not talk, just listen.
I think about OW, and know this won't be over anytime soon. And I know my H is a stubborn guy. So I will keep waiting this out, and have my plan for to do if stuff starts moving faster.
Aloha,
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
