Forgiveness

[antlers]

2tp.....

There is always a lot going on, and it sometimes changes on a daily basis. I don't know if she meant 'live' with me or 'stay' with me until she comes back to her house. She left a month ago and stayed gone for 5 nights. My daughter is not willing to live with me because I wouldn't let her do the stuff that her mother does. Even though she and I are getting along good these days (we had lunch 3 days in a row earlier this week)...there would be rules and boundries, and consequences...she's not going to subject herself to that.

It's difficult to be "assertive" regarding their behavior under these circumstances...their mother refuses to work with me at all. And if I send her a communication about the kids and their bad behavior, she immediately shows it to them (per my daughter) and uses it as a weapon against me...to make the kids mad at me. They don't want anyone 'bridling' them.
I know some here are mad at me, or frustrated with me, because I'm not calling the police or child protective services...or 'taking the bull by the horns' regarding the situation. I'd walk in front of a train for my kids. Do you honestly think I wouldn't do whatever I could if I thought it would make things better instead of worse? And it can always get worse. Sometimes, as much as we don't like it...or refuse to accept it...there's not a lot that can be done about certain situations under certain circumstances. IF their mom would put their needs before her own resentment and hatred of me...then something positive could be done under these difficult circumstances.
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That may be true 2tp. But I'm doing a lot better than I have been for over the last 3 years. I DO know that. I miss the emotional connection...but I'm letting go of that too...bit by bit. I do get depressed and sad at times. I'm taking steps and making progress...slow as it is.
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He has continued to text me many, many times since then. He wants to buy a video game chair and a vending fridge...and he thinks he'll get a bunch of money if he sells his clothes. The merchandise he wants is easily over $250. Resale shops give penny's on the dollar for items that they DO want. In addition, he's been suspended from school for a period of 8 days over a 9 day period. He's still on suspension. Should he be rewarded for that behavior? He's pretty overbearing...he'll text the same message 50, 60, even 70 times in rapid succession if I don't answer him immediately, regardless of what I'm doing. It's messed up.
====================================================================================I've been to that church before. We all went there a few times. I did like it...I liked the pastor there and the way he presented the message...and the subject matter. I don't know. The lady who goes there is one of my good friends that I ride with. I've shared as much with her as I have you folks here. She's strong.