Well, last night I went out to a barbershop singing group with my oldest son...pretty nerdy, right? Son is the youngest member of the group by far, and if I'm not second I'm not far off. But we both enjoy singing, and it is nice to be so welcomed somewhere. It is the one thing I am doing to GAL. Aside from that, my life is almost entirely at home. But I don't mind so much, as I look forward to reading to my younger 3 kids every night. After that I just try to keep busy so I can keep up my part of the agreement, to avoid conversations for the time being, until it's time for bed. Then it's back down to the dungeon. Well, an air mattress is better than the cold floor, anyway.
Don't really have too much to say today. Funny, W probably doesn't know that she is kind of pressing me into DBing - since she won't talk to me, she leaves me little choice but to focus on myself.
Don't know if this divorce will get busted, but I am really hoping that at least if we are split up we can be split up in the same house. We are a 1 income family, and it would be tough to make ends meet if I had to support 2 households. Am I being really callous in looking at things from such a practical perspective? Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me...I could hardly keep myself from being in tears when things looked a lot more hopeful than this, but now my thoughts don't even run toward grieving for our marriage - just thinking about how to get by and not feel too lonely/pressured/anxious/upset.
Tonight W and I go to MC. She is not talking about reconciliation during sessions, just airing her feelings of hurt. She did say at last session that she would be willing to settle for having a "roommate agreement," that would specify responsibilities for each of us, so maybe we will negotiate that tonight. She did say that she felt that sessions were worthwhile, although she didn't say what she was getting out of them. They are the only time we communicate at all, so I am not about to complain about them.
Just living day to day...I guess that is the only way to do it.
Take care, all. Will talk to you later.
Think about it...if you met a potential mate who was nothing but a bundle of needs, would YOU be attracted to them?
