You know something - I feel we tie ourselves in knots keeping the darned road home smooth. I think it can be carried too far. Fwiw I think it means not saying things in anger that you might wish unsaid. Not putting up with anything and everything they might do.
Stating your boundaries, and your dislike of horrible behaviour is a reasonable thing to do. I tried to say everything only once, and I have bottled up a lot, but I no longer want my xh back. I am not prepared to do any more work on the marriage.
I didn't break him or the marriage. And I can't fix either. I can only fix me, and part of fixing me is treating myself with respect, and expecting others to do so. If they can't they have no place in my life. Bad DBing? Don't know. I don't have to be 'right' but I do have to be able to say "I will not be treated this way, now or in the future" Your h doesn't see, in his MLC fog, the enormity of what he is doing. But that is his issue.
