Detached, but not Broken-a diary of a LRT

[Broken74]

Ok, so I am ready for a 2x4 bludgeoning and I'm a big boy and I can take it. The fact of the matter is, that this isn't an exact science, and as far as demeanor between W and myself in the past six month, at this point it is the best it has been during that time period. I haven't so much applied the DB principles in these recent exchanges, but my approach has worked. I think the fact that I have been dealing with a medical concern has really made her think. Here is how things have progressed through the week.

Monday:

Her: You get my email?

Her: Hellooooo? Can you hear me? Lol

2 hour delay

Me: No, I’ve ben at Duke all day. Doesn’t look I’ll be making it ****** tonight.

Her: Duke what? School? What’s going on.

Her: Please answer me

2 hour delay

Me: Hospital sorry, looks like they’re going to let me leave.

Her: For what?

Her: My phone is messing up. Texts aren’t working. What’s wrong with you?

We spoke on the phone and I explained they were concerned with my spike in blood pressure and ran some tests on the basis I had felt some fluttering with my heartbeat.

Tuesday:

Her: You working today?

Me: Yeah

Her: How’s your heart feeling did they say you’re stressed?

Me: Trick question? Lol I don’t feel anything. My blood pressure skyrocketed between my physical in January of last year and now. Most likely stress induced not uncommon for people in my situation, they just want to be sure.

Did my attempt at levity rub you the wrong way? The irregular heartbeat is minor, they are more concerned about the blood pressure than anything. So I exercise everyday, don’t drink, don’t smoke, but will likely be put on blood pressure meds at 38. Awesome right? Lol

Her: You do too drink

Me: I’ve had maybe 12 beers since the new year, not once intoxicated. Why do you continue to say that when you don’t know what I do?

Her: Cause I know you! ;-P

The 5.0 OS is cool. Has the pull down screen at the top of phone. Love it!

Me: I wish you did know me, because you’d know I speak the truth. You knew me but you don’t know me now. :-P

I need a new phone but I’m going to wait for the 5.0.

Her: Do you have any amoxicillin left?

Me: The big horse pills I got from you at new years?

Her: Yes. I know they were ancient but I have a sever urinary or bladder infection and I’m in pain. 

Me: Pretty sure I took them all. I’ll check when I get home. Why don’t you go to the doctor?

Her: I’m paying $2000 dental bills for SD this month and SS2 braces consultation is this month. Plus daily meds for them on top of all that and SS1 school trip expenses. I’m barely floating, I can’t afford to take care of myself.

Me: I can. I know you need to find yourself and I have been and will continue to be supportive in your doing that. If you will open your eyes and heart for a minute you will see that you don’t have deal with these worries in the future, and your family could have the man of the house you’ve always deserved.

Please go to the doctor and I will take care of it.

I know my words mean nothing to you, but they are all I have to offer since you don’t see my actions.

Her: I’ll be ok. I have Audrey’s meds that may knock it out for me. I don’t want to talk about us in that sense please. It only leads to anger and you being mean.

Me: I did not put my new skills to use last Tuesday and I apologize for that. My heart is physically broken because I miss you guys so much. If that doesn’t prove where my heart is I don’t know what does. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time and wish there was something I could do to help. I hope you feel better soon.

And thanks for showing concern for me. I appreciate it.

I’m sorry about talking about us. I know that I shouldn’t but it is important for you to know what you guys mean to me.

Her: I already know. I haven’t forgotten.
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So all in all a positive exchange, despite my as usual non adherence to the DB principles, but I feel in this case the approach I used worked for me.

This yielded a phone call from SD yesterday with everybody else on speaker, SD was trying to sell some cookie dough for a fundraiser for school. I committed to a couple of units and had a nice discussion on speaker with my three stepchildren and W. The W and I chatted for a minute, she is sick and the moment and she shared what was going on. She ended up asking me what I was doing for the weekend, and I let her know I was heading out of town to Atlanta for the ACC tournament. She made some off the cuff statement about is that halfway between here in Philadelphia where the girl I was talking to briefly is located, and I am not mind reading here but those types of comments lead me to believe that the jealousy bug is still in play. She ended up making mention of maybe grabbing dinner when roll through town on Monday evening (ironically to attend the domestic violence class that she put me in lol). I'm not saying that I don't deserve to be in the classes, I have actually learned a lot, and I was verbally abusive because of alcohol on a handful of occasions.

So I obviously have a great GAL weekend planned. I am sure she is going to be testing the waters this weekend with text messages and phone calls. So I am going to actually apply the DB principles during this GAL weekend and significantly delay my responses to any such comm's from her, or maybe just not respond at all. Correct strategy right?

I think I am finally showing unconditional love for her. I have no expectations, and I think she can feel that now. She may or may not be talking to OM at the moment, I have no control over that nor do I care. Actually that's a lie, I do care, but there's nothing I can do about it, so I just block it out of my mind. She started getting spun up when she found out I was having a problem, and she reached out to me for support when she was sick. That is my highlight for this week.

I am hitting the road after work today and am extremely excited about this weekend and am going to have a great time. I honestly hope that she doesn't contact me period, which will hopefully allow her brain to wander as to what I'm up to. Atlanta is going to be CRAZY this weekend...

Thank you guys for any feedback you can provide, and good luck to you in your respective sitch's.

Here's to a UNC/Duke final so we can spank that azz again!!!

GO HEELS!!!!