Can you please help?

[mimivac]

Hi fight, I can really relate to you sitch. I am a fixer, too, and my H said some similar things about wanting control over his life. Although he never complained of this before the bomb, I can see how I have some issues that have contributed to the problem. I have a hard time letting go, so it was difficult to just let H go on his own journey (also an MLC and depression), without interfering. Focusing on myself has been a god-send though and so helpful to my own sanity.

Of course you are going to think about your H. You would be a robot not to, but your GAL activities should help you to detach. What also helped me was to understand that it is a long process and that things will not change overnight or even in a few months (usually). Once you relax into the rhythm and pace of things, you will have an easier time not losing your patience and jumping the gun. Just let it happen and work on yourself.

As for your C. Unless there was abuse, I don't know that it is right for her to suggest that you D if that is not what you want. My own C is kind of on the verge of doing that and I am thinking of stopping our sessions. We like each other a lot, but sometimes I find that she behaves more like a girlfriend than a C (saying things like, "don't you want to be with someone who really loves and appreciates you?"). Anyway, best of luck.

Mimi