You are doing very well on your GAL activities keep it up. Yes the "divorce diet" as some call does make us lose weight. i myself have dropped @ 20lbs and it shows. It's good that you are gaining some weight back.
Yes it is normal for you to feel the way that you do. A 180 for you would be to stop being the "fixer" and use that for fixing yourself since you are the only one you can control. Being afraid that there is nothing left in your R is a normal part of the process. As is said a lot around here, time is on your side so take full advantage of it.
You have support here and you will have support with a counselor. It's way to easy for everyone who is on the outside looking in to say get a D since they are not emotionally attached to your situation. It's not your fault for telling family and friends what is going on you needed to vent as it is not good to keep all this bottled up inside. The thing you don't want to happen is anyone trying to confront your H.
Counseling is very good and to me it sounds like the one you saw was not very good. IMHO a counselor should not tell you to get a D that decision is yours to make. Find a counselor that is right for you. It may take a few tries but don't give up on it. I was very fortunate to find one who wanted to see me try to keep my M. I've made a lot of progress in my sessions and just the other day my counselor said that it really sounds like I am ready for my W to move out of the house.
Whatever you do do not stop posting here this place will help you tremendously. When you do see your H how do you appear and act around him?
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
our sitches do seem very similar. i also am guilty of being the "fixer" of our r-ship, and its been SO SO hard to detach and shut my mouth/walk away when the "old me" would want to hash things out. i'm getting there though,and I'm sure you are too!
and i can totally relate to your point about sometimes being so angry and not being sure if you even still want to be with your H and other times just wanting to help him. i'm struggling with this myself, and it's good to know that i'm not alone.
no matter what happens though with our h's, i'm confident that we'll both grow from this and that things will turn out for the best.
Hi fight, I can really relate to you sitch. I am a fixer, too, and my H said some similar things about wanting control over his life. Although he never complained of this before the bomb, I can see how I have some issues that have contributed to the problem. I have a hard time letting go, so it was difficult to just let H go on his own journey (also an MLC and depression), without interfering. Focusing on myself has been a god-send though and so helpful to my own sanity.
Of course you are going to think about your H. You would be a robot not to, but your GAL activities should help you to detach. What also helped me was to understand that it is a long process and that things will not change overnight or even in a few months (usually). Once you relax into the rhythm and pace of things, you will have an easier time not losing your patience and jumping the gun. Just let it happen and work on yourself.
As for your C. Unless there was abuse, I don't know that it is right for her to suggest that you D if that is not what you want. My own C is kind of on the verge of doing that and I am thinking of stopping our sessions. We like each other a lot, but sometimes I find that she behaves more like a girlfriend than a C (saying things like, "don't you want to be with someone who really loves and appreciates you?"). Anyway, best of luck.
Mimi
M:37; H:37; M:10 years;T:13 years;no kids. Bomb ("I love you, but don't feel things for you I should":1/08/12 Separated (H living with various friends:1/18/12 Separated (H rented his own apartment:3/4/12
First of all, han you for your kind words and support.
MNC, I am willing to fight, but I know that no matter what, I will life for me. I know that we can make it, both of us are still young and we can have the life we have dreamed.
MMVC: I thik I will research to find another C, one who is pro marriage. This will be my task for next week.
Now, yesterday was a tough day. I screwed everything up. It was on Thirsday evening when I had finished my lesson when I passed by his appartment (he is planning on moving on the next few days but he was always lying about it). The appt is on my way, I didn't pass on purpose. I saw OW's car parked there. I got really angry and went up. I rang the bell, but there was no answer. so I called his family and exposed the A. Everything. I told them all the details, along with the OW's name.
I left. Once I left he called me and invited me up. We end up fighting as he was lying. He then showed me the invoice from his lawyer for filing the D. I was shocked. I went home, but at that night I sent him at least 15 sms with very bad language in them.
On Friday I was so upset that I didn't go to work. I talked to his lawyer and he gave me the details on how to proceed.
I think everything is over now. I do not think we can beat this... I am really disappointed on the one hand, but on the other I believe that it is ok, I am still young and I can still find someone who will WANT to be with me because he LOVES me. Not because he feels he has to .
Thank you all...
Me: BW 30 Him: WH 31 T 12 years, M 3.5 No kids OW 27 single ex co-worker
Bomb: 13/07/2011 S: 13/07/2011 - 16/09/2011 H came Home 16/09/2011 Dday: 01/10/2011 H left again 23/11/2011
So I have visited a lawyer today... It was not as bad as I thought it would be. I didn't cry, I didn't even feel sad... The L told me that I have to wait to be served, which will take 3 months (in my country we need to wait 3 months after we notify the church that we will D before we file). So I now Know my rights. Everything will be split in half. Since we have no kids, the process will not take long (maybe 6 months)...
I haven't spoken to my H since Friday. I have lost all hope in saving my M. What is most frightening to me is that I do not know if I want to fight for it. It is like I have given up... One part of me says that I awant to start a new life. The other part is saying that I still love him... I need to sort out what I really want... This will be my task for the rest of this week...
Me: BW 30 Him: WH 31 T 12 years, M 3.5 No kids OW 27 single ex co-worker
Bomb: 13/07/2011 S: 13/07/2011 - 16/09/2011 H came Home 16/09/2011 Dday: 01/10/2011 H left again 23/11/2011
So, for today I have decided that my long term goal is to be a success story. In my mind, being a success story does not necessarily mean to restore my M... My M may be restored, maybe not...
Being a success story means to learn from my mistakes. It means to accept my faults and try to work on them. Improve as a person... Work on me... Find myself again. Learn to live for me as an entity...
So, to achieve this goal, I only have 4 words in my mind: THINK - ACT - CHANGE - PATIENCE
We can ALL be a success story, as long as we work on ourselves!
Me: BW 30 Him: WH 31 T 12 years, M 3.5 No kids OW 27 single ex co-worker
Bomb: 13/07/2011 S: 13/07/2011 - 16/09/2011 H came Home 16/09/2011 Dday: 01/10/2011 H left again 23/11/2011
