Stuck in a mess

[Dory]

Journalling...

So H spent most of the evening with D12 & I at home and had a realtor come by to give us a market analysis & suggest a listing price for our home. I have mixed feelings about this.

One of H's current complaints is that he feels too much financial pressure having the size of mortgage which we have - although this was something that was not made clear to me until after we separated. Prior to our separation he said he wanted to sell the house and move closer to work to reduce his commute. My response to that was I felt it was better to wait it out until our mortgage was up for renewal as we will likely never again be able to borrow money at such a low interest rate. That, combined with the real estate market being in a slump meant that we'd be lucky to make any sort of profit and very well might have to accept a loss. It just didn't make much financial sense to me.

Had H made it clear to me that it was the financial pressure he was experiencing was his reason for wanting to move, I would've been all for it. I mean, it is just a building. I don't want H to be feeling financially strapped. We have opposing philosophies when it comes to money management. I am perfectly content living within a strict budget, H needs the freedom to buy what he wants when he wants it. It never even crossed my mind that it could bother him as much as it apparently did. The solution to this now seems simple enough, to separate our finances. Had I thought of and suggested this sooner, we probably could've avoided countless heated discussions. It just occured to me that perhaps H felt I was treating him like my child, limiting him and putting him on restrictions. Oy! Honestly at this point, I'd be happy living in a tent if it meant our family could stay intact.

So this was the second realtor we've had come in to give us a suggested listing price. Looks like my assumptions were correct, that we will be lucky to break even and may have to accept a loss after paying legal fees, realtor fees and mortgage penalties.

Aside from the bad news I had already expected from the realtor, the evening went pretty well. I invited H to join D12 and I for dinner and he agreed. This is huge to me, since it was only two months ago, he wouldn't even set foot in the house unless absolutely necessary. During dinner H told me he really misses my cooking. I had to silently chuckle to myself since I know H's cooking ability involves not much more beyond fish sticks & fries or kraft dinner. Well, I'd miss my cooking too, if that were the case. So I took pity upon him and offered for him to take all the leftovers, which he happily accepted. I'm not sure if this was a mistake or not, that I should be letting him lay in the bed that he's made for himself? Although on the flip side of the coin it's something I would do for a friend who couldn't cook. And I am trying to rebuild our friendship but I'm not sure if this could be coming on too strong. I'm probably over-analyzing this too much...

But dinner did go well. We joked around a lot with D12, just enjoying each other's company. It was really nice to eat together as a family again.