Hello MissingMyFamily...I know what you're going through...my W hasn't left me yet but I think she has been looking at apartments with her mom (who one year ago seperated from her second husband...so yes I agree with you misery loves company and doesn't mind making more misery as long as they are not alone). This is speculation though. After she dropped the first bomb in 6/11 I did a lot of changes she noticed, we went to counseling and we seemed to be doing much better by early 9/11. I would check casually, trying not to be pushy, if things were still ok about once a month up to the middle of 1/12. Shortly after she dropped the second bomb (so she was lying to me the entire time). This time she says she is so unhappy she wants a divorce. Since the second bomb I've done some 180s (I still need to experiment with many more), maintain consistency and GAL. Like you I'm dealing with some serious anger management issues...I can emapthize with her(about 2 years ago I really wanted to have a EA but didn't though I think I could have if I really pushed it but I didn't because I was afraid, she would find out, our I'd get an STD or get the OW pregant, and then I'd loose the W that I love). Eventually I accepted my situation (W being cold to me and W very low sex drive). I was happy with my family. I dearly loved my two Ds. And I thought sexual frustration was the price I could pay for a happy family.
As Michelle stated in her article called the marriage map(?), marriages go through phases. Unfortunately, since my W has experienced 1 D and one seperation within her immediate family. Why can't she do it (at least this is what I speculate is going through my W's mind)?
My parents very much love each other BUT there were times when I was sure they were going to divorce. They didn't...they weathered their storms why can't my W see that we can do the same? I get so angry with her sometimes, but she is not me, is not from a stable family, she thinks a passing feeling MUST be her new reality instead just an impulse, so I must continue with the DB/DR program and not let my anger ruin the progress I've made with her (at least I think it is progess). Stay strong man please don't let your anger ruin any chance you may have in getting her back!