His complains were that: 1. He always was doing everything to please me (I had no idea that he didn't want some of the stuff I wanted together...). 2. I was often dragging him to the shops on Saturday mornings (I agreed not to do that and things were fine). 3. I was getting upset that we did not spend much time together (he works 09:00-18:00 on weekdays and then goes to gym 3 times/week and gets home at 20:30, I finish everyday at 14:30, having plenty of time to go to the gym before he comes home). After discussing this issue we agreed that it is ok for him to go to the gym as it is something that pleases him. 4. That my family was too "traditional". My parents are happy to have us for lunch every 2 Sundays. He didn't like that...
Do you believe that these issues are so important for a couple to D?
These are symptoms of the problem.
I would guess he feels controlled by you and before you start with the "but..." think about it. I heard similar things and aftr calming down and really looking at our relationship, I could see why he felt that way. Doesn't mean I agree with everything but I understand his feelings.
I think you were OK to not see or talk to him if you felt you weren't ready. It's better to have no contact if you will backslide into pursuing, begging, telling him you've changed. Save the contact for when you are stronger.
Detach. Yes, I know you are separated but you aren't emotionally detached yet. Let him go in your mind.
Dig deep.
Try not to obsess over the past, look to the future and envision the person you want to become.
Read other threads here, you will pickup ideas.
Good luck. Keep posting.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
