I have done a lot of thinking and reading other posts for additional insight. Due to our oldest's son mental illness, we did see a clinical psychologist who did state that ex husband needed to help out more, because I could not shoulder the whole burden.
Psychologist suggested that he take son out for dinner once a week and maybe to the store to let son buy some snacks, etc. Ex has been agreeable to that and has done that on a regular basis. Psychologist also suggested we attend a Family to Family class, to learn more about mental illness, which we did, and then when the 12 week class was finished, we both joined the support group for families with mentally ill relative, which psychologist, thought was a good idea. I attend support grp on fairly regular basis, but ex comes more sporatically.
My ex has done what the psychologist has suggested, but little more than that. I sometimes thinks he does just enough to keep me off his back! He and his long term OW are very social and do a lot of things. That has always taken priority and he fits the son thing in around it. I am not saying that to sound angry or petty==that is just the way it is.
I think my main problem stems from intermittent contact with the ex. I never know when he is going to be there, and it catches me off guard. WE are the only divorced couple in the grp. There are husband/wife couples there who have been through the same problems with a mentally ill child and they have remained together in long term marriages. I wonder why they were able to keep it together, when my ex says one of the reasons he left was because of son.... When at the support group meetings he is always very pleasant, will sit next to me if there is an open chair, and acts like we are good friends. In fact at the last meeting, he was talking with someone at the end of the meeting. When I got home there was a voicemail he left saying that he was sorry we didn't get to talk more at the meeting, but that I looked so nice and he really liked my outfit and hair that night, and that we would talk later!! However, [which I knew about already-no secret, as they have gone yearly for the past three yrs], two days later, he was going on a one week ski trip out of the country with his female friend and several other couples!! Would you call this cake eating or just trying to be nice????? These are the things that keep me attached and confused.
Some days I wish I could go totally dark, but with mentally ill son, I need whatever help I can get from ex, so I cannot totally cut off all communication. I have no other family in the area to help.
As I stated in previous post, there is the other long term OW, who wants little or nothing to do with son[ she does not even really want him at their house], and it seems she runs the show when it comes to ex spending any additional time, etc with his son. So, many times I feel like I am having to fight against her influence. I don't understand how you can be with someone who does not like or want your child around, especially when they have a mental problem. I get the fear factor, but I have offered to drop out of support group so she could attend and learn more about son's illness, but ex says she is not the least bit interested, and that seems to be okay with him.
I guess I'm just mentally tired. It just seems like it never ends--divorce doesn't seem to solve problems. By the way, I do 't mean to sound pathetic. I do have a very full life and a lot of GAL activites.. Just needed to vent today.
Is there anyone else out there who has to deal with a mentally ill child and deal with an ex spouse?
