WAW in Los Angeles

[wawinla]

Journal:

It's been awhile since I posted, as I haven't had time and honestly I needed time away.

Since my last update, my mother had her kidney cancer surgery (mid January) and the doctors were able to remove the mass without complications. Thankfully she's doing fine post surgery and knock on wood cancer free. Around the time of the surgery, my mom wanted to see my WAW. Prior to the procedure, they spent time together alone (WAW choice). Also, my WAW spent the day in the waiting room with us on the day of the procedure. It was awkward at times for both of us, but we made it work and I know my mom appreciated it which was the most important thing.

The "situation" did ultimately "get" to her, so she left while my mom was in the recovery room. On the way to the elevator, she asked me if I had scheduled an appointment with a mediator, as we had made no traction on a marriage settlement agreement. Her question bothered me considering the setting (didn't show it though), but now in retrospect, I realized it was again WAW's need to move on as quickly as possible. A few days after the surgery, my WAW decided not to go through mediation, as she refused to commit to the requisite 8 hours. She's felt that mediation would take less than 4 hours, so she refused to commit to splitting the cost. In the end, I had to get an attorney and now the attorneys are working on a settlement. We were assigned a court date, but through my attorney, I was able to postpone it in hopes that we can reach an agreement shortly.

As if the D process isn't complicated enough already along with having to manage the sale of our home (escrow closes in 2 weeks), an interesting twist occurred a few weeks ago. I was having dinner with friends who had flown in from NY. During the meal, I inextricably fainted. My friends called an ambulance and I spent 10 hours in the ER. As part of the work-up, they ran a CT scan on my stomach. The tests were inconclusive, so I needed follow up tests. After seeing a few specialists, I learned two weeks ago that I have kidney cancer too! My surgery is the last week in March, so I will hopefully have secured a new place to live before the procedure. What has been at times a surreal experience, has gotten much more. Kidney cancer is not genetic, so the doctors have told me it's a freak occurrence (same kidney as my mom too..left). The silver lining is that I fainted, otherwise it would have gone undetected while now the docs are able to treat it early.

It's been a year since my WAW filed for D and moved out. There are moments when I can't believe it's been a year and other instances where the passage of time has been interminable. I now look to myself as my anchor, not at my WAW. I try my best not to think of her, as I chose to focus on my new life, not hers. There is still bouts of anxiety and insecurity, afraid of the uncertainty inherent in this process, but I find myself looking forward to my new life and the adventures it holds.

I survived what was one of the most difficult experiences of my life when my W left...(thanks to everyone who has commented and supported me through my journey)....and I now approach cancer the same...I will fight and I will win!