Is this cake eating 4

[tested metal]

NLW,

Okay, time to take a deep breath and look at what you got going.

1. Father going into nursing home. I am no expert, but my Mom had to go into a nursing home early in life. It was paid through social security and medicare. More than likely that will be the same, but because nursing home cost about $3000-4000 a month and medicare says they want their money after the person dies, (if they use services over age 55), they will claim against the estate. The bad news is you may not have any inheritance. But don't quote me for sure. I would not count on it. Cherish the time you have with your father right now. I know I did with my Mom and it made it easier when she did pass.

2. If you are damned if you do and damned if you don't with H, then don't worry about what he wants/thinks because you are f'd either way. Do what YOU want to do and what is in YOUR best interest. He may be using empty threats, he may not. If he is not, would you really want to be with a guy who is that selfish? Don't be afraid to let your lawyer chew butt if H is not following court orders. Maybe this is a teachable moment for him.

3. As for finances, I feel for you. I can barely afford legal representation myself and I am trying to negotiate a compromise. If W won't agree to negotiate, I will borrow what I can and get full custody (as I have a really solid case). I don't want to do it to preserve a relationship with W, but my D1 comes first and if W acts like a rabid animal, I would have to put her down (figuratively speaking). I gave her a chance, just like you are giving him a chance.

4. As for bankruptcy, maybe see a financial counselor. It seems like afters this whole mess is over you may find that declaring bankruptcy to start over may not be so bad as you have custody and can only go up from there. Maybe in divorce court you can put lawyer fees as part of your debt as H is being a D%^k about following court orders. You'd be surprised what your L may be able to twist out of him.

Whatever you do, don't make false threats and if you draw a line in the sand stand by it. No paper lion for you. If he crossed the lines he looses his dingles and he will have done it to himself. End of story.

You have a long road to go, as I do, because your kids are so young if you are religious, pray often. Remember that good and bad times happen for a reason and that this is a time to learn, but as you learn you will still have people in your corner to help you.

I will end with this. 2 nights ago I prayed to St. Michael the Archangel to guide me in battle and protect me form the evil that is testing me. The next day a co-worker who is married to a judge handed me an envelope with $200 and names of GOOD L. It was the start of a legal fund. All of a sudden other friends are jumping on the band wagon. Today I found a GOOD L that can handle W's L pretty well and is agreeing with me to use force only if I allow her (but is perfectly comfortable with ripping W a new one!) In fact she discounted my fee just for the pleasure of kicking her butt in court, because I am that good of a guy! Go figure.

Good things can happen. Pray. Keep your eyes, ears, and heart open. The message comes in a whisper not blaring. You will make this and we will be with you.