Tad's Overdue Update

[AJM]

Tad, have you ever stood back and looked at the craziness from another's perspective? I mean, really looked objectively?
Have you ever considered all the things you did right?

Have you ever considered the things you did, if you had been with somebody else, would have been seen differently by that person? They may have even been supportive of your career and you?

Have you considered that music is something you MUST get back to? Even if slowly, it'll represent part of the "process"?

You will need to face your fears to let go, Tad. Facing the fear of turning on the radio is representative in some ways. From my perspective.

When my ex left, she left a wake of terror and accusations. I trusted her in a way I never trusted anyone else. I let her in to the deepest parts of me.

When she left, I kept the house. I kept the house for the kids, but in the beginning it was horrible. I didn't want to come "home" because of the ghosts. I didn't want to hear the radio and iphone text sounds made me jump (she was carrying on the affair in part via text which had the sounds; I was like Pavlov's dogs.)

I faced those fears. I still have some troubles with the texting noises, but I work in that business. I can't live my life that way.

I like my house now. I didn't change a lot because I needed it to be the same for my kids and because I needed to face the ghosts it had. I listen to the radio again (babble on most of the time, but hey..) and I don't cringe when I hear a text message coming in any longer. It still annoys me though.

I won't let her craziness get the better of me. I won't let it change me in ways I won't accept. I won't jump at shadows and I won't be afraid to live my life.

When I got overwhelmed, I stopped and considered why. I know why. It's because I trusted her and she tried very hard to hurt me personally. She still does. The difference is that I see it differently now. I actually stopped and laughed walking into work one day when it dawned on me that she had such a hard time with it because I was darn near perfect even to her. I remember that she left and later came up with a reason. I remember that she accuses me of things that make me think her medication is not adjusted for her weight. I remember that even though my daughter doesn't talk to me and has some of her mother's crazy thoughts influencing her, that both my kids are afraid to talk to their mother about some things. They fear she will flip out on them and I remember that's what she accused me of being - scary to the kids.

I was afraid I would lose my kids. She tried. She really did. But eventually I came to see that my kids would be ok regardless of what happens. I came to see that they didn't lose me. They may even gain an additional parent

I remember the source. The source is not right. The source has an ulterior motive even if I don't know what it is.

I remember that I did everything to the best of my ability and I only change the things I want to change for me. I remember it is not about me.

I suggest you do similar and don't try to boil the ocean, but rather face one thing at a time.

Music might be a good thing to face.

Snodderly, I laughed at the craziness. If it hadn't happened to me I might not have believed somebody would do such a thing. I see it though. Some of it is crazy funny if not disturbing. I have similar stories and what makes it funnier is that she believes it still. I don't envy her. I may have for a while, but I am very glad to not have that burden and hope that never happens to me. I hope I am never so scared that I cannot face my decisions or the consequences of my actions.

Tad, it won't happen overnight. It'll take longer than you want. But one piece at a time you will face down your fears and regain you.

It'll help even though it's scary at first. It's liberating later and well worth it.

Do it Tad. Face them down one at a time and see if I'm wrong.

Don't let her issues ruin your life permanently Tad. Her issues are hers and hers alone. You cannot help her. You will have to leave her for the way she treated you and will continue to treat you. When she changes the way she treats you, realize you'll still need to leave her for it because it has an ulterior motive until and unless she PROVES otherwise.

Really Tad. You hold the keys. You didn't lose your mind although it was close.

Now get to it, brother.

AJ